Respected RG fellows,
Why is it hard for us to control our emotions? Why do we often tend to listen to our hearts when its about admiration and amicable situations while we listen to our minds when we are irked or in agony?
I would be really obliged for your views on the same.
Thank you.
Regards,
SQ
Emotions are powerful your mood determine how you interact with your colleagues .Going to control over your emotions will help you become mentlly stronger. Anyone can become better at regulation their emotions just like any other skills, managing your emotions requires practice and dedication.
I agree with you J. M. Koli Sir.
Thank you for your valuable opinion.
Regards,
SQ
Really it is very hard for a common person to control the emotions. But it is possible to overcome emotions conditionally be mindful.
Dear Sahar Qazi
Let me explain:
Emotional reactions are coded in our genes and while they do vary slightly individually and depending on circumstances. See what I mean? Emotions are a “lower-level” response by our brains. (Left side of the picture)
Simple example: “When a magician amazes a crowd with a great magic trick.” A large percentage of the crowd watching the magic trick, will be awed. “Or when you feel hungry” “When you fall, get hurt, and feel pain.”
Emotions require of two things: The emotional state (awe/hunger/pain) and the experience (at magic show/ didn’t eat/ falling down).
A feeling is the mental portrayal of what is going on in your body when you have an emotion. It is the byproduct of your brain perceiving and assigning meaning to the emotion. (Right side of the picture)
Feelings play out in our minds only. Feelings, like emotions, cannot be portrayed or displayed. Feelings are often fuelled by a mix of emotions, and last for longer than emotions.
What I am trying to get to is: Although popular opinion says that we are able to control our emotions, we are AS GOOD/PROFICIENT as we claim to be. Why? They are partly coded to help you cope with this world. You can control some of them, but some them just happen subconsciously (coded) due to evolution of us as a species. As for feelings, let them flow - they are less prone to control and manipulation than emotions.
Lets look at this flow chart:
Experience → Emotion → Feeling → Naming → Acting on the information the emotion provides.
If you really want to “master your emotions” it is good practice to identify any of your shortfalls - e.g. I get angry too easily when someone gives me feedback. Try to think - Why is that? How can I manage it better? What else can be done?
You can plan for that and avoid falling to your old habits.
It is crucial, for us, to be able to distinguish between emotions and feelings. Google “control your emotions” and you’ll see countless articles/emotions. Yet, if you Google “control your feelings.”.
Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when appropriate, not randomly whenever you feel like it.
Refer the following link:
https://www.quora.com/Why-is-it-so-hard-to-control-my-emotions
Psychologists still debate the body-mind connection in emotional reactivity; don’t have a complete taxonomy of emotions; and are even uncertain about whether emotions are the cause or result of the way we construe the world. However, there are advances being made in understanding the concept of emotion regulation, the process of influencing the way emotions are felt and expressed.
Avoid circumstances that trigger unwanted emotions that is disappointment. Focus on what you’re doing means be mindful, and in the process, you’ll eventually gain some of the strength you desire. Try to be positive in every aspect of our life.
Our emotions drive our thoughts which in turn create behavior and lead to action. If we are successful in balancing our emotions, our actions would automatically lead us to a life which is more fulfilling, fruitful, and positive.
Emotions are of paramount n human life. If an individual’s emotions do not develop in a balanced manner. Emotion arouse both constructive and destructive feelings, Emotions are strongly linked to memory and experience. If something bad has previously happened to you, your emotional response to the same stimulus is likely to be strong. There are various factors which influence the development of emotions, as follows: 1. Hereditary factors 2. Maturation 3. Training 4. Health : Mental development , Physical Development 5. Intelligence 6. Family relation and Atmosphere 7. Social environment 8. Control over emotions
Why is it hard to control ones emotions? because we have never tried to control it. It is too simple.
this due to the low standard of education of the person besides the weakness of the religious motive which usually controls ones behavior.
There are ups and downs in life and we have to accept this fact that will help us to become positive and strong as well. This way we will be able to understand and to control our emotions to some extent that will eventually make this life happy and blissful.
A self aware person is more likely to manage his/her emotions than someone who is not aware of the emotions he/she might be feeling.
One must know what kind of emotion he/she is feeling. A lot of times we act based on our emotions that we experienced. So if we are aware of our emotions we will be able to behave in a more appropriate manner that can help us to succeed in our life.
It is essential for us to keep us motivating ourselves to identify our emotions and to manage them timely, especially in stressful situations. One must conditions his/her mind to remind about emotions that will help in taking a right action for any particular act.
Just by being aware of our emotions is not enough. One must understand that he/she changes thus needs to be open to adapt himself/herself with that change. Being adaptable help to succeed in life.
One must not overburden himself/herself by overthinking or putting too much pressure on himself/herself to achieve emotional strength faster, rather it must be step by step. If someone is emotionally successful, he/she can strive to achieve success in all the spheres of life.
Dr Sahar Qazi , although its not easy to control our emotions, but we must handle the situation very carefully and try to control as much as possible.
Listen to your heart but forget that the brain is located above it. If we combine them; we end up with emotional intelligence (EQ).
Of course for kindly peoples it is difficult to control emotions.
It is the play of our mind which reflects our brain which has tendency to think & to contemplate all the problems which disturb our emotion . Emotional has a direct relation of mind which may disturb our working our action sometimes coming on the way of taking a right type of decision .
This emotional disturbance very often disturb the environment of our family ,& our relatives with this whatever may be our standing in action emotional to be controlled efficient & effectively . We all are human beings certain disturbing problems are bound to come may be our family ,services position ,professional areas, & illness & death in the family .
This are problems are bound to come for every human being & one has to cultivate the mode of controlling the emotion . Religion practice ,power of prayer , & reading of quite good books may certainly help to control our emotion .
This is my personal opinion
Think of all the reasons why this admiration is a bad idea. Your focus should change from the reasons that appeal to the person you like for all the reasons that will make this admiration cause harm and why it is not worth pursuing behind. There are many reasons why admiration may be inappropriate, and you have to know exactly what is involved to avoid it.
Think about your background and whether your new love is threatening your relationship if you're in a relationship.
Remember that you can and must control your emotions and your physical attraction to social occasions. Not having these feelings means that you have to act on them all the time. Take the time you need now to establish healthy relationships so that you can calmly and safely examine your feelings
Focus on the negatives of your liking. : The definition of admiration includes a perfect picture of the other person, but we are all human beings and you must have a bad personality. You may speak with people or listen to music that you think is stupid or may ignore you. Try building negative energy around them to weaken your admiration for them.
Write down a list of all the negative qualities in the person you like. It means you can not find something to write or think it's perfect that you do not know well. You will be sacred to those you like if you think there is not one bad thing in it.
One of the reasons why your admiration is inappropriate may be that the person will have a bad effect on you. You will be able to write the reasons for this (such as a well-known alcohol addict or gambler) from seeing that a person is bad in the long run, even though you now feel confused and happy to see him
The human brain has 2 parts , the emotional part ( limbic system & is responsible for Emotional quotient [ EQ ] ) & the thinking brain ( neocortex for cognitive function ) . The thinking brain ( responsible for IQ ) has evolved only in humans . The first part to react to any situation is the emotional cortex , with many negative emotions & a little later the thinking brain takes over . That is the reason why we regret later for our emotional outburst . Both good EQ & IQ responsible for success in life . A bad EQ & a good IQ leads to failure & it is essential to improve our EQ by learning & practicing good & pleasant manners .
Thanks@ Sahar Qazi for such a nice query. I really enjoyed.
Thanks again
Control of reactions: The choice of the way to interact with the provocative situation is the most difficult step in controlling emotions, as it is usually acquired, and it appears in the behavior of people who are emotionally upset for reasons that are negligible and start verbally and physically violent reactions, they are almost hostages of their emotions, And develop these reactions to positions that do not suit them, and therefore the development of the ability to choose the way to interact with things require a lot of exercise and practice, and make the necessary effort to build this skill
Change the way of thinking: It is necessary to shift the focus of the attention of the person about the situation that provokes and hurts his feelings, and should try to distract any negative thinking, and focus on other positive things that increase self-confidence, feelings are only a reflection of deep reflection within the self, and It is possible to change these ideas related to different situations, and therefore the manner of interaction with these attitudes will change in general.
Identify problems and do what needs to be: It is necessary to identify the situation that arouses feelings and drives the person to anger or sadness, for example, and then work to avoid exposure, such as avoid dealing with people who are disturbing, or avoid traffic crises and congestions, etc., and if this situation needs to address You must try to create the necessary change, so as not to cause undesirable negative feelings.
Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when appropriate, not randomly and uncontrollably whenever you feel like it.
Releasing out emotions makes us feel easy, relaxed, comfortable & stable. That is why we prefer to share our feelings/ emotions. Yes, how easily one shares his/her emotions varies form person to person.
DEAR SAHAR
In my opinion, feelings are like the mountain of the volcano. And we must accept that feelings are part of our lives. Or is it really a necessary part of life. But sometimes this volcano is uncontrollable.And the power of decision-making (the right decision) in these situations can only happen by a few people.So we can hope that we will be among those people. And I hope you are one of those people.
DEAR SAHAR But ultimately, I agree with your question. In some cases, it's really hard to control.
With the best wishes
Mr Rezaei Ahvanooei
5 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotions Under Control
Emotions are a vital part of our everyday lives. Whether you’re having a good laugh over a text message or feeling frustrated in rush hour traffic, you know that the highs and lows you experience can significantly affect your well-being.
Your ability to regulate those emotions, in turn, affects how you’re perceived by the people around you. If you’re laughing at that text during a serious meeting, you’re likely to get resentful looks from others in the room. On the other hand, if you react with rage at a driver who cuts you off in traffic, you can engender unwanted attention, and perhaps even risk your life.
The study of emotions is not an exact science. Psychologists still debate the body-mind connection in emotional reactivity; don’t have a complete taxonomy of emotions; and are even uncertain about whether emotions are the cause or result of the way we construe the world. However, there are advances being made in understanding the concept of emotion regulation, the process of influencing the way emotions are felt and expressed.
Stanford University psychologist James Gross (2001) proposed a 4-stage model to capture the sequence of events that occurs when our emotions are stimulated. In what he calls the “modal model,” a situation grabs our attention, which in turns leads us to appraise or think about the meaning of the situation. Our emotional responses result from the way we appraise our experiences.
Some emotional responses require no particular regulation. If the emotion is appropriate to the situation and helps you feel better, there’s no need to worry about changing the way you handle things. Laughing when others are laughing is one example of an appropriate reaction that helps you feel better. Expressing road rage may also make you feel better, but it’s not appropriate or particularly adaptive. You could express your frustration in other ways that allow you to release those angry feelings, or instead try to find a way to calm yourself down.
Calming yourself down when you’re frustrated, of course, may be more easily said than done. If you tend to fly off the handle when aggravated, and express your outrage to everyone within earshot (or on the other end of an email), your emotions could be costing you important relationships, your job, and even your health.
An inability to regulate emotions is, according to Gross and his collaborator Hooria Jazaieri (2014), at the root of psychological disorders such as depression and borderline personality disorder. Although more research is needed to understand the specific role of emotional regulation in psychopathology, this seems like a promising area of investigation. For example, people with social anxiety disorder can benefit from interventions that help them change the way they appraise social situations, as shown by research on cognitive behavioral therapy. Many others functioning at a less than optimal level of psychological health, Gross and Jazaieri maintain, could similarly benefit from education about how better to manage their emotions in daily life.
Fortunately, you can handle most of the work involved in regulating your emotions well before the provoking situation even occurs. By preparing yourself ahead of time, you’ll find that the problematic emotion goes away before it interferes with your life:
This 5-step approach is one that you can readily adapt to the most characteristic situations that cause you trouble. Knowing your emotional triggers can help you avoid the problems in the first place. Being able to alter your thoughts and reactions will build your confidence in your own ability to cope. With practice, you’ll be able to turn negatives into positives, and, each time, gain emotional fulfillment.
reference/https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
regards
In my opinion this is related to the physiology of human being. In other words emotions depend on the interior mind which can never be controlled (Unconscious actions).
It is like a pressure relief valve. Without it; we can experience a lot of stress and pressure that could lead us to unwanted and regretable actions. Don't forget the advice of Prophet Mohamed (PBUH):" He said three times: don't get angry; don't get angry and don't angry". I think because the heat of anger is from hell and it is like you made the mission of shitan easy on you.
It can be hard to control our emotions because we can sometimes struggle to identify the cause(s). This can lead to further frustration, which added to the existing emotions can become unbearable. If we are not equip to handle this, we lose all control
The challenge in controlling emotions is where one must separate between what they feel and why they feel so. The key to successfully controlling emotions is identifying why you feel that way and come in terms with them .. One emotion at a time.
Wise people normally control their emotions. But sometimes if they are under stress or some psychologically pressures, it is difficult for them to think rationally. They are at the risk of being driven by their emotions and that may result in negative sequences.
I don’t thing that it’s the emotions which are hard to deal with. It’s the things which trigger the emotions that are hard to deal with.
A lot of the time these things are hard to deal with because they’re really serious things, like being betrayed or the loss of a loved one.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control
Not all emotions, some of these emotions abile to control especially those we chosen
Why is it hard to control ones emotions?
Because our human nature is amalgamated with emotions which are not separable during certain situations. In order to better control our emotions, always think our human nature is a separate rational entity from our emotions & through this separation, rationality can be projected & emotions can be better managed / controlled.
This is because the emotions represent something that is not specific to our perceptions and when we are exposed to an emotional position that controls our thinking completely and therefore difficult to control it, but over time there are a number of things that help us to control our emotions towards the situations we are experiencing . Controlling your emotions doesn't mean ignoring them. It means we recognize them and act on them when appropriate, not randomly and uncontrollably whenever you feel like it. Control of our emotions means controlling our life . I think it is also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing we want to do is ignore or repress our feelings, because it represent the difference between man and the rest of creatures .
Well I think that sometimes is better to show emotions than to keep them inside of soul and body. When I was younger I was doing my best to keep my emotions inside me, because I thought that showing of emotions is showing of my weaknesses. Suddenly, some 10 years ago I was really angry when I had to hear some “brain washing” about something which was completely out of my jurisdiction and I afforded to myself to say everything in the face of bully chief of dept. Everything I said was the truth, moreover I said what everybody thought at that moment but they were afraid to speak. I felt much better, without pain in my stomach or feeling depressive after that, or anger on myself after the meeting. It was a good lesson, because from that moment I always say yes when I mean yes and no, when I really mean no. But, you must be quite aware that the price for this is very high. That’s because everybody will respect you and nobody will like you. Nowadays, the people don’t like the persons who are open and who has a strong living attitudes based on the ethical and moral values. The working and social environment rather prefer the persons who are “politically correct” and related to their political correctness they become “popular”. However, when you have a bully in front of you, you have to show him/her that you’re not afraid BUT(!) your emotions must be even stronger than his/hers.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. It can be easy for you to feel embarrassed around the person you like, and this is completely natural. When you feel embarrassed or self-conscious, you might be tempted to hide your feelings, or to ignore them, which can lead you to feeling even less in control around your potential romantic partner.
This is such a personal question. The only way that I can answer it is to say our emotions are an innate makeup or our emotions can come from our personal experience whether good or bad. Taking control of our emotion is up to us. If you allow them to rule you, you are guaranteed a destructive life. It doesn't matter if the emotions are positive or negative. There must be a boundary of balance and maturity is what determines that.
Well, you know one thing is when you control your feelings when you're in situation that it is necessary. If you want, or precisely as you said when you don't want to your emotions to rule you. I was talking about precise situation when you have in front of you a BULLY who doesn't care about somebody's feelings, but he/she tyrannize the whole working environment. Than is necessary to show him/her your emotions which have to be even stronger than bully's' emotions in order to stop his/hers tyrannizing. Otherwise, if we're quiet and if we "control" our emotions, a tyrant will always understand your behavior of controlling your emotions as your weakness. But tyrant or bully, as you wish, will never ever watch on you as mature person if you will "control your emotions". That's illusion. However, let me remind you; the question of our colleague Sahar Qazi who started this theme was: " Why is it hard for us to control our emotions? Why do we often tend to listen to our hearts when its about admiration and amicable situations while we listen to our minds when we are irked or in agony?" So, I've just exposed my experience with bully. OK, this is it. That's my experience. Anyway, I know that during the last 10 years I had no problems with bullies and at the same time, thanks God, I did not become bully or tyrant. So, my living attitude is "live and let the others to live". So, this is it.
in my opinion , you can handle most of the work involved in regulating your emotions well before the provoking situation even occurs. By preparing yourself ahead of time, you’ll find that the problematic emotion goes away before it interferes with your life
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