In my country 40 years ago, sons were given more opportunities for education. Probably because it's a patriarchal society.  As soon as primary and then secondary education became free, girls were able to attend school and did so well that parents no longer felt that it was any advantage to give sons more privilege of higher education.  In your situation described above, the child that proved himself or herself after years of free education should be supported.  But now almost everyone gets a govt loan. http://www.ptptn.gov.my/

Dear Pahlaj Moolio

There was saying in  Swamy Vivekananda^s  experiences in America over 100 years ago

^Sons are until married and daughters are until death^.Well actual quote may be different. Nevertheless  I hope the meaning is captured.

Yet due to socioeconomic factors, sons are given preference over Daughters.

The trend is definitely changing. I see Girls are coming out and visible.

Personally I , with my limited means managed to treat and provide equal opportunity to both .At a time Bank loan came handy.

Pahlaj -

I suppose that all societies put different restrictions on women and on men too, that are unfair. And I suppose your question is one of basic fairness, as impacted by those different societies. I believe that societies in general are too gender conscious. That said, there are barriers that need to be considered, and parents need to consider the well-being of their children equally. Therefore, Cecilia's answer sounds pragmatic. However, unlike for Miranda in Malaysia, the US has a terrible student loan situation, where private interests make too much money from these loans. If only we had better government loans, as I imagine Malaysia has. The best deal in the US seems to be State-level programs where parents can pay for in-State tuition in monthly installments, years in advance. Also, we have a community college system.

At any rate, my wife and I only have one (adult) child, but I'd say that if you have more than one, you love them the same, girls and boys, and just do the best you can to keep it fair, even though nothing else in the world is very much fair on any issue, not just gender.

Thanks - Jim

As an aside, note that college does not always guarantee success, and some people do not want to go to college.  But let's try not to make it a gender issue.  

I am convinced that most or all societies find differences in behavior between boys and girls that they attribute to biology, which are really just created and enforced socially, for the most part. 

Dear @Palaj and friends, I think that every family and nation just can't afford to not give education opportunities to all, sons and daughters.  What would happen if this son and this daughter were not sent to school?

If I can afford to give education to both, son and daughter, I would send them to university. For me, I give equal opportunities for sons and daughters. 

Dear Pahlaj, 

I agree with  @Cecilia's ideas. Parents can notice properly the child and it's potential by many initial signs: physical development, speech development (rich vocabulary) and personal interests of the child. The one who is more curious about the things and and more inquisitive in asking questions - is likely to be the right one for further education. This is answer based on limitation you highlighted. However It would be the best to both children could learn and made such free educational opportunity by governments to all (what was mentioned above too). So application for money which support another child is crucial too.  

Dear Miranda,

You got the point of my posting this question. The youngest ever who won the Nobel prize is a daughter- 17 years - Malala. 

When Dr. Mahfuz Judeh asked: " why do we learn?", he didn't mention the gender, and he said "Perhaps it is survival. If you don’t learn how to protect yourself you are in trouble. If you don’t learn your surroundings you will be lost. If you don’t learn, you can’t live because you wouldn't know how."

Actually, I want my kids to "know how"....Thats why I will give the same chance of education to my daughters and sons.

Dear Pahlaj,

Thats really a very nice question and good discussions on it. I appreciate Miranda's answer. Thats really great to see a 17 year old teenage girl to receive nobel prize who protested for  girls education.  This shows that the gender conscious society has changed a lot.

From my point of view - I wont go for an option at all if I have a daughter and a son. I will try with maximum effort to send both of them to school. Education is highly essential for children let them be son or daughter. 

I will try to send both of them, if they wont and like to study.

I believe that today it is inevitable to give an equal opportunity of education to children irrespective of gender and number. At least up to 18 years. Then they will decide their fate education. Of course, always with the obligation of parents and institutions to promote these paths. At the risk of giving up their. In summary: who is to be sacrificed son or daughter? My answer is: their father!

I can not think of discriminating between my two children--incidentally both sons. If one was a daughter, I would have done the same. If I was required to be proactive for the daughter's cause keeping in view her venerability, i would have done so in her favour, even as that might have been perceived as discrimination by some against the son. But I think women need a preferential treatment, if necessary, keeping in view their diversity. 

Both are children and hence no preference only priority of which needs to be attended within the "required time frame"

I have just returned the papers of the first hour exam in organic chemistry to the students. The only one who got 20/20 was a girl & she surpassed 45 male & female students. When you are a father of such a girl, then it is wiser to invest in her education. The women are ~ half  the population & they bring up and teach the other half.

Dear Pahlaj,

Given the situation you mentioned or constraints put by you, were it me, I will send my daughter to school and university to get education for three reasons:

1. As a father it is my religious duty to treat daughter (s) well and raise them well in every respect including feeding them well, treating them well, educating (both religious and non-religious) them well and marrying them well.

2. “The mother’s lap is the first school for every child”. If a mother is educated, coming generations from her will not remain ignorant.

3. If a woman observes pardhah, will her husband would like that his child is born in the hands of a male gynecologist? Will he like, that a male surgeon removes a tumor from her breast? There may be several instances where a woman has to expose before a male physician or surgeon. Should my daughter not be a physician or surgeon or gynecologist. Should my daughter be not a teacher to teach girls of my community at every level.

My son can toil, pull rickshaw and manage two square meals but cannot be effective in above mentioned spheres even educated. Yes, if my daughter-in-law is uneducated who will give religious teaching to my grandsons and daughters, who will tell them story of our rise and fall, who will point out towards our foes and friends, who will help them in homework, if my son is either pulling rickshaw or is in a lab or office.

No gender bias

both son and daughter should be given equal opportunity

Remembering if a girl child is educated whole family is getting educated 

The extra biology that a women is going to bring in the family keeps her as centre of focus and all other activities revolve round

Therefore highest priority to her education

educated girl child can face any situation in the life/society in general

It is absolutely equal. In my country all kids have equal right to education. Personally, I think that all kids should get as much education as possible.

If a boy goes to school, a man is educated, if a girl goes to school, a whole family is educated!! Equal opportunities should be given though, will prefer to take loan to give both equal education, till whatever they want.

I would send the person who has passion to study, develop, and build a career onwards regardless of gender.

Son & daughter both remain the eye of parents & so to say they are our hands & as such for me the question of any discrmination in any areas for their growth ,development & career aspects do not have any place in their life .

I have expressed my opinion which i have fully implemented life.

The financial limitations of parents should not be a reason to make discrimination on   their children for accessing important activities such as education, but a decision to make how much to borrow to complement the money they have to support the education of their children. There should not be any parameter of differences to be used within children as to who should get education and who shouldn't, as education is an enabler and extrinsic enlightening source of a human being. 

The education shouldn't be gender biased. Education of girls and boys should be guaranteed by governments to all people (poor or rich). However if parents want to invest in the quality of education of their children in private or special institutions, they should invest in the more motivated  or the more successful of their children.

I understand that this is a very real choice that many people face in many parts of the world. We cannot process this question through the Eurpoean-centric lenses that we in developed countries have been accustomed to doing.

In cultures where it is traditional for the woman to be treated as inferior to the man, this question is easy to answer. However, in many of these types of countries (such as Indian, African, Middle Eastern, and Asian cultures) a new understanding of the valuable contributions that women make to society is dawning. Hence, I agree with my colleagues who say "educate the one with a passion for learning". However, position in the family has bearing on this decision; for example, if the female is the first born, etc. 

Since resources are generally very scare in these instances, I think that part of the decision making should hinge on the understanding and promise of the one who gets educated to help the siblings to also get educated if they wish to pursue educational opportunities. Each one contributing to the education of the others.

It is very sad, but families the world over are faced with such decisions daily.

World has changed and everyone needs to change if he/she has not changed. The most precious gift you can give to your child is education irrespective of gender of the child. 

This question reminds me of some ancient tribal religions with a selective god that their god selects/prefers this guy from that guy, this lady from that lady, this tribe from that tribe, etc how laughable and trivial that particular god was, who befriends/prefers those who eat cabbage and pushed out/not his likes those who  prefer serial.  

To come to the point of our discussions,  although motivation is a very important ingredient for a child to do school works with determination and enthusiasm and be successful, but some children get motivated a little later and become most successful personalities as well. One such typical example is Albert Einstein. Therefore, the discrimination for what ever reason still will bring condemnation from the other child who forced to go to public school but become more successful than the one who was educated from private school.

I will offer  another practical example that I know. There was a man who was not that well in his fortune, but some how he had several children. From among these children, one of them was born with some kind of difficulty and the man decided to just abandoned this particular child.  This child some how survived and became hard working and extremely wealthy, much better than those who were taken care of by their father. He then discovered his father and learned how his father abandoned him and the child decided to help his father, bought him a business he runs and leads a better and sweat life then after. 

I do not have a daughter and my only son untimely passed away at the age of 23 years last September 26, 2014. But if I were given an opportunity to choose, I will not base my decision on gender but on other factors such as interest, capability, and health.

I have a son and a daughter i also would not see any differences in both of them. whichever is their interest i would educate them both equally. 

Dear Eddie,

I am sorry for what has happened to you only son. I agree with you that if you were given an opportunity to choose, you would not base your decision on gender but on other factors such as interest, capability, and health.

Thank you Mahfuz. It is a very painful experience. I pray that me and my wife recover from this soon.

In the modern society and concept of Study from Home, one can easily consider to provide both son and daughter  equal learning and study opportunity at home. And rather then compromising on one's opportunity, try to create opportunity for self to afford send both of them to formal school. 

If we consider the question related to some traditional societies where the gender social discrimination is posed 'may be for financial cause and/or lack of educative infrastructures in the region where the parents do live', sure that the decision of the parents will be based on their economic motive. And may be they could prefer educate their son first for the future prospected added value to their family since the girl  will belongs to another family after her marriage. I think that all official governments in the world should guarantee free education to their citizen with sufficient infrastructures, equipments and transports, as good education is the core matrix of their development and security. However in extreme case, the education of the girl must be guaranteed 'even at a certain level', as she is the future educative basis of her family; and as a security for her potential financial independence in the job market. However in normal situation parents should motivate their children to have good education and enjoy it. May be not all their children could have same interests and/or good scores; so a finantial invest 'if possible' in the more successful ones could be a motive to the others to be successful as well. However a success or not at school is not a total guarantee of success or not in the life. Many people who were not successful at school have gained a successful life and vise verse.

I´m grown up with three sisters and two brothers. We showed differences in interest, intelectual capabilities. But these differences were not related to gender. So my clear statement is: Males and females should get the identical chance, if their abilities are similar and comparable. If the extreme case would happen, son or daughter, I would never find a decision and would try to get funds for both, even if I had to work harder and harder. 

Pahlaj, you have raised such a basic and yet so critical point of some societies in the world, who actually do make such choices, even in current times. The recently nominated Nobel Peace Prize winners are among many others struggling to fight this disparity. In many cases these inequalities originate from pressure of social structures, some cultural norms that are now irrelevant or even economic situation.

My feeling : education is a human right 

Nidhi, your are right.

Lotus flower rises from muddy water, so is Malal !. i

I will first ashamed about myself, i have both son and daughter but i can only afford one.

If both of them want to get educated. I will borrow the money as far as i can. In this situation , what i need to do is work harder and harder and give their good education, This is my responsibility.

 I would rather to make a financial support for both - son and daughter, I can't discriminate between them .

Money to educate children, like money for rent and food, is not initially found in some pot or pillow. Parents struggle on a daily basis to put food on the table, to pay rent, and also to pay children's fees. Most parents who end up educating their children first commit themselves to doing so, and then find the money as time goes on. Just like a businessperson, the dream is more important than the actual money. With the right dream, money can always be found.

Having said so, children are children, there is no son or daughter - only children. Some of us went through education with no tangible assets existing at home. But parents had a dream to educate all their children, irrespective of gender. That is the definition of "struggle".

Do not think it's a choice based on gender. Skills and abilities of each, and the needs of the family should be considered.

Agree! And all children have potential abilities and families need them developed.

Dear Pahlaj:

In earlier times education worldwide was focused mainly male children but the world has changed and today provides education to both genders. In my opinion both girls and boys should have equal opportunity to education, I have a daughter and a son and I offered the same education options.

It is a culturally matter, especially, to be masculinity or femininity. Masculine societies privilege to sons, but feminine tend to educate both sons and daughters. Thirty years ago my father preferred the sons, so my first sisters were deprived from education, but the last ones have academic qualifications.

I think gender does play role here. Son or Daughter i will encourage the one who is capable to acquire a scholarship and the talent they posses.

A very interesting question you have posed here but the answers you will receive will be quite obvious considering the population sample within 'research gate' despite the cultural differences..but you knew this already. 

I also agree with those who have expressed their views working harder to make money to support both their sons and daughters to get quality higher education.

I am sure by this approach applied by every father and every mother in this world making every effort the poverty will remain only in museums in near future.

Pahlaj Moolio

Quality in higher education  do depend upon parents but for the bottom of the pyramid, state and  other organisations interventions are required.

I only have one child, so I don't have to make a choice.

However, why should anyone have to make a choice.  Can you articulate the scenarios?

In an ideal world I will send all my children to higher education. In practice I will send the one who is willing to study.

on a more wide spectrum, we know that women without higher education has less opportunities in careers...

@Kevin,

it doesn´t need much fantasy to invent scenarios. If the family is really poor (you know a lot of countries), the choice can become probable. There the state must help, if it wants to do it. I know countries, where girls are shot down and later on win the Nobel price because they fight for school education of girls! They most recent development in this case is a repeated compellence to be killed! So justness between girls and boys is no matter of cause in some "societies".

Thanks Hanno.  However, since the question is worded in  "You" form rather than about any particular country, explication from Pahloj is encouraged here.

Here is a thought from an Islamic land to the world:  

http://eslkevin.wordpress.com/2014/10/14/islam-says-that-it-is-not-only-each-childs-right-to-be-educated-but-its-their-duty-and-responsibility-says-malala/

(H also asked: "And a personal question: this nice girl is your daughter?"

Yes is answer)

Dear Kevin,

just a short remark: You asked "why should anyone have to make a choice".

I´m deeply convinced, it´s no matter of Islamic mentality to refuse the education of girls. Why should they prevent this? It´s the problem of radical thoughts or of still existing caste systems, where girls a killed or sold.

And a personal question: this nice girl is your daughter?

In Cuban society, women cover more than a half of the professional and technical jobs. Of course, that is because education in Cuba is free for all and to all extent, from primary school to PhD. Thanks to that, I have no personal experience on this painful decissions, neither people of my generation. As a result of my own performance as a professor, I have seen that girls are more devoted to their studies than boys, at least in first and second year at college; but this does not means -at all- that a policy in this sense should be stablished, not even discussed.... If a decission should be taken, I agree with Cecilia Lewis: "Send the one who loves to study.  Apply for a loan for the other."

Personally, the decision would be based on anything but gender.  If one has a greater desire to go into higher education than the other, then that would answer the question.  I would also be open to sending neither of them.  In any case, whatever the scenario, gender would not be taken into consideration.

In a traditional and poor society where effectively a parent may be confronted to such dilemma, there can be relatives, neighbours or community activists who could help the family. Canadian programs in Afghanistan have provided basic education to many boys and girls. This is a global responsibility, not only desperate parents' in one single disadvantaged place in the world.

I personally think that decision would not be based on gender in my case, but on who is willing to study and make something out of that sudy and of the opportunity that Higher education offers. 

I do understand the conundrum it might be in some cases, taking into account cultural restriction, but I do firmly believe that the decision should be based on the child's desire to go into higher education. If both express said desire, then, as many people have expressed here, it would be worth looking into scholarships, loans or help from the community to try and give them both the education they want and, most certainly, deserve.

Look at Raymond Boudon's L'inegalite des chances (1973).

We live in an open world, doesn't matter the gender, a world of quick changes, important is the perception of information, of data proceed. We are equal, we promote the chance equality, so both daughter and son, from my point of view have the right to study, to promote, to unveil the world.

Who Is Important To Your Daughter or Son?

Time Magazine has put together a list of the most influential teenagers by analyzing their social media following, business successes and cultural importance. In all, there are 25 names on the list, 20 of them are female, including the daughters of U.S. President Barack Obama. Along with Malia and Sasha are Nobel Prize Winner Malala Yousafzai, 17, the Pakistani education activist winner, 13-year-old Mo’ne Davis, a pitching sensation who led her Philadelphia boys’ baseball team to the Little League World Series and landed a spot on the cover of Sports Illustrated and Joshua Wong, 18, Wong, who recently was on the cover of Time‘s international edition, and has become the face of the Hong Kong protests. Plus, there are singers (Lorde), actors (Jaden Smith) and, sadly, Kylie and Kendall Jenner.

http://www.y1025.com/onair/y-morning-wakeup-37868/who-is-important-to-your-daughter-12860555#ixzz3GCcSqdFV

An interesting question, which could be viewed differently based on diversity. As some have already responded, in some cultures, predominately Asian and African, most parents would prefer their son than their daughter to attain higher education. Some view the son as the HEIR of their family and others would view the son as someone who has the potentials to attain higher heights in the society. However, most western societies would focus on who has the academic talents and interest. Due to women emancipation, things are fast changing for the right course! Personally, I could focus on who has the interest and ability. This is just my view as I see it!!

Yes, It is an Interesting question . . .

At first, I hope that these limitations be eradicated in the near future.

I will give the opportunity to one who is more hardworking and more intelligent and of coarse, if he/she him/herself is interested to go to higher education.

The selection process can be done based on their averages in high school or any other appropriate scales.

Regards

Yes, it an interesting question.  I certainly encourage all my children to further study, the sex of the child doesn't enter the equation.  It really depends on the individual and their expressed needs, do they want to continue study and enter higher education as ultimately it is their decision.  However, I will be encouraging both son and daughter to study and assist in any way possible.

Except that your question was not about education/schooling in general, but asked about HIGHER educations, which is college or university.  Malala was too young for that when she heroically acted on behalf of women in her country.

Regarding training on some skill, it could be the other way around, too, with the girl in some training and the boy in university.  The point is that gender should not be the deciding factor.

The one who is doing better, and eager to go for further studies.

I would say, Don't make a choice!  

Let destiny handle it.  Perhaps the prodigal son will come home and go to college.  Perhaps the prodigal daughter wants to farm pigs or cattle or camels.

It depends on the social structure of the society this family is a part of. We have to have respect to different peoples' views regarding higher education. I believe that perfect scenario does not exist, the social variables can be endless. This decision will always be a consequence of two main factors: society and family. I would study a specific culture first, then would interview some local families.

This question seems a tricky one, because the author aims to a sexist criterion, i. e. for him the choice should be based on the sex conception, that is why he designs the case like that: two children, one male the other female. But the situation could be also: two females or two males. Which society is that where the criterion to provide education is based on sex and not on the intellectual capacities? A society where the intellectual capacities are considered right proportional to the sex, that is not properly a modern society.  

Well, unfortunately, "money for college" is just as big an issue today in modern society or, most places, as seen by the very question.  Here in the US, where it is very expensive, I know /am acquainted with families  in such a situation (and I'm sure there are many more).  Also, unfortunately, it is quite common for them to decide early on that the male or males in the family will go to college/university when the parents do not have enough money for all their children (sometimes it is not just one of each). 

Although, yes, there is financial aid, it is always expected that there will be a "family contribution," depending on income and (unless there is a "full-tuition scholarship" based on merit or talent), FA is never enough.

Call it sexism, call it male preference, call it whatever, it is alive and well worldwide.

certainly a daughter ! obviously because females have been marginalised in the context of patriarchal value system since ages. After Enlightenment and the tremendous achievement in science and technology females have proved their metal.

I, therefore, would certainly prefer the enhanced status of women in society worldwide.

This position is justified by quite a number of scholars across the globe.

More important to be answered here is, What is being given to them rather than who is preferred. As both are equally important, Sussex Coat College Hastings provides some inputs.

How can I find out how well my son, daughter or ward is doing at college?

• The Colleges sends reports twice a year about how well they are progressing.
• Parents  will be invited to parents evenings throughout the year to discuss their progress and targets

In this case I would prefer sending daughter for higher education. Son is gonna manage eventually for sure but I think parents should be more serious about the education of their daughters as they are mostly neglected in the world (not in just third world countries). But if parents can manage then for sure they shall send both (son and daughter) for higher education.

Dear Kamal,

I´m astonished about the significantly high female percentage. Do you have an explanation?

what a man can do a woman can do better. Therefore, education but of them is encouraging in a family. Remember destiny are different, so there areas the women can do better than the man and there are areas the man can do also better,

Dear Kamal,

I´m married with a highly intelligent wife with absolute top examina and a corresponding top position as judge. I know what you are telling.

Although I don't discriminate between male and female but I support the one who deserve the study and eager to continue with most enthusiastic and dedication. However, the dilemma occurs when both are having similar potential then I split the funds between them and try to manage my expenses accordingly. In Jordan we believe in education right and many of us sell properties to subsidize his kids for education. The problem increased when currency float and devaluated due to economic collapse. Also if parents have more than 2 kids going to school. 

Hello, 

i can sense that is a cultural issue, but for me paying for a child's higher education is not a question of her/ his sex... I would send the one, who is more willing and capable of learnig...

luckily I've got only one child - a girl, so i would definitely do my best to convince her that's it's worth studying and pay for it :)

Yes, it is a cultural issue, but exists in ALL cultures.  Many of the responders agree on sending the one who is more willing and "capable" of learning-- the one with the higher grades, higher IQ, visibly studies and you observe his/her hard work?  What it you have more than 2 children of both genders?  What if you have two that are both willing and equally capable of learning? hat if the family is poor and can really only send one. 

My only point is, that it is not always a simple answer (unless you have only one, as you pointed out).  As I mentioned in a previous response, even in today's modern societies, there are still very conservative and old-fashioned fathers who will send or want to send their male children.  I forgot to mention in that response, that I know some who will do so EVEN WHEN MONEY IS NOT AN ISSUE, i.e. the parents can afford to send all their children to college/university, but believe they should not spend that money on "girls."  Yes, it is true.

Dear Francesca Cansani   

First of all I thank your interest to know more about our culture. Secondly, you are right in essence that families varied in treating their children equally or not equally. I agree with you in some part of the examples. I think since there are so many things happening in the middle east, the media capture the extreme incidences and ignore the real life that we are living. In Jordan you can see and meet diverse people and lifestyles. Most of the families encourage both male and female for education. Literacy is low in Jordan. At 8.9 percent, Jordan has the third lowest illiteracy rate in the Arab world. The primary gross enrollment ratio has increased from 71 percent in 1994 to 98.2 percent in 2006. PhDs holders are increased in Jordan. Some have no jobs despite the post graduate degree they have. What to say more you can come and visit Jordan. Our people are lovely and hospital.

Dear Hashem,

I like to read your answers. But I´ve one question to your respond 14 h ago. Could you explain how you decide, who "deserves" the studies? I know a lot of young people, who haven´t found a way or a decision. Some times these youngsters are still immature and need a chance, some time to think and help to find a decision.

Dear Francesca

you made many good points to be dialogue to every one. I like your thoughts. 

I love them the same, I never discriminate between them, If I can i would send them both for higher education.

Both should be trained. Two good heads are better than one. So if you train both daughter and son, collectively they would support you in the near future and in all ramification. I have seen a situation where because a daughter was properly educated, the marriage become a big blessings and change to the family. So there is no point not to train any of your child. But you first have the responsibility of directing them at their teenage age so that they properly know the benefit of higher school/education in life.

Empowering women and meeting people's needs for education and health, including reproductive health, are necessary for both individual advancement and balanced development, with focus on individuals' needs and rights, rather than on achieving demographic targets, advancing gender equality, eliminating violence against women and ensuring women's ability to control their own fertility are acknowledged as cornerstones of population and development policies.

http://www.unfpa.org/public/home/sitemap/icpd/International-Conference-on-Population-and-Development/ICPD-Summary

Dear Pahlaj,

Of course, the more talented should go to study. Generally, there are - in real life – not too much similar situations, thus one should strive to provide for both the opportunity of studying.

Dear All,

In some countries it is a bad luck to have daughters. Even there are countries where parents(?) have been using artificial fertilisation in order to have only or mostly sons. I have read on a country (or more?) where even girls wanting study are punished or killed. In the press each of us could read on a young girl who was head shot by fanatics. I apologise you as Kamal did because this is a delicate subject.