I am sure that everyone of us faces such people who keep provoking others for different reasons. I will be much appreciated if you share your opinions and experience in this regard.
The art of understanding and handling the unreasonable person is probably the biggest lesson I've learned in the last few years, provoked by some interpersonal and professional crises I experienced that I had originally thought were my fault. I was very fortunate to find an amazing relationship coach who has a background in psychology and unique expertise in personality disorders. She helped me to see that I was usually dealing with disordered individuals, and that I was making classic mistakes in trying to make the relationships work.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201201/dont-try-reason-unreasonable-people
It might be due to their immature or unhealthy ego defensive mechanisms. By provoking and hopefully getting a reaction , e.g. starting a fight, the fight would serve as sort of medium to empty the emotional burden they're carrying. Sort of an 'acting-out' behavior. If some people tend to do it often, it might also reflect a personality disorder. Finally due to hormonal imbalances, i.e. medical reasons, one might be especially prone to provoking and not having the ability to use his brain (higher cortical centers), for more humane and civilized behavior. There are numerous reasons also, some being of certain motivation for personal gain or to provoke a certain reaction to prove a point. To avoid such provoking attacks is best by investing in your own personal emotional stability, such as improving your spiritual, emotional and cognitive self. It can be by reading insightful books, meditating, praying, philospohical thinking etc. There isn't a rule here, I think. Know thyself, is the old saying - it could surely help here.
Thanks dear Karlo for you sharing such a wonderful answer to my question. I also agree with you that this bad behaviour is because of 'unhealthy ego defensive mechanisms'
How do you deal with people who keep provoking you? How do we avoid them? Are there any psychological reasons for their behaviour?
Think we can consciously ignore (after all the needed clarification / interaction) the person who is provoking us or adopt some strategies to make the "attack & defense / attack & counter-attack" / competition irrelevant (like Blue Ocean Strategy). Because this make the provocative person to provoke in vacuum - after a while s/he will stop.
Think a provocative person normally get excited in continuously to provoke as s/he can see the needed response from the victim. When a victim's response stop / irrelevant, provocation can stop.
Dear Han,
Thanks for your interesting contribution. Ignoring can be sometimes a great solution for dealing with such people. However, I also believe that there are other solutions.
If any person is provoking us ,in his behavior there must be some inside injurious feelings in his provoking mind & if this come on the surface of his mind he becomes provocative .
In the above line it would be proper that both the person should come together & find out the reason of such differences under a give & take policy a solution can be found . But in such cases it is in the mind of provocative that his ego may not come in the spirit of comprise .
In the such cases we have to treat the provocative in a silent mode & we should try to satisfied his ego .We can not afford to place our shoes in his line as in this case it is to be a permanent disturbing factor for us & it will be better for us to clean the environment in a peaceful manner & observe an opportunity that '' STICK THE IRON WHEN IT IS HOT '' .
Psychological behavior may be in nature of misunderstanding ,prejudice ,jealousy ,behavior & temperamental ego must be reason for such behavior .This is my personal opinion
The art of understanding and handling the unreasonable person is probably the biggest lesson I've learned in the last few years, provoked by some interpersonal and professional crises I experienced that I had originally thought were my fault. I was very fortunate to find an amazing relationship coach who has a background in psychology and unique expertise in personality disorders. She helped me to see that I was usually dealing with disordered individuals, and that I was making classic mistakes in trying to make the relationships work.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201201/dont-try-reason-unreasonable-people
Just ignore them, try to be nice and concentrate on your work. As for possible psychological reasons for their behaviour, I usually follow this as rule: it's not my concern. It's theirs and their therapists.
Now, if you are really interested in doing some research concerning this subjet, ignore this and start reading some articles on the subjet. But if not, don't waste your time. Time is one of the most precious thing we have, use it wisely.
Obviously, the provokers have a problem and they need you to upload their failing behaviour that comes from this problem. Here, we call them bullies and there are lots of them.
Why they behave in this way? They feel insecure & inferior to others; could not match up to others, so they "get even" if they provoke them.
Everyone should first examine the problem.
Does he/she provoke me deliberately? Or - provokes me his / her "otherness"?
Especially in the latter case, one should proceed very cautiously.
And even more carefully, if it is a teacher.
Dear Fateh, Michael, Sandra, George and Rohit,
Many thanks for sharing your interesting views.
Sometimes it is their fear; they want you to keep you involve in unnecessary things.
The word, "provoke" comes from a root meaning, "to call forth". Telling us there is something latent that is about to be unraveled.
If it is within our means and power, we may be able to put a stop to it by direct confrontation. But most times the person is driven by some need. When provocations are fuelled by anger, a confrontational approach is akin to throwing gasoline into a flame.
When the one who provokes out of anger receives no retaliation on our part, there may be two eventualities:
1) the provocateur will leave us alone (because the need to feel powerful, which ironically betrays a sense of insecurity, is fulfilled)
2) the provocateur will step up efforts (because their ego drives them on). In which case it will be good to try and lead the person to their Waterloo. Where another, more menacing enemy will keep them in check, perhaps permanently. Or learn from the principle of jujutsu-the provocateur becomes the victim, powered by their own rage and missteps.
Wisdom is always lacking in the angry and egoistical, and pride comes before a fall. Time is always on the side of the patient and humble. Take time off from any emotional responses to discern where the endgame would be.
Usually Narcissism or low self esteem drives provocativeness..Always ask yourself why your are provoked and then wake up the next morning and thank God your not them. They like to provoke because of fear that they cannot meet a conversation with sophistication in a conversation and lack the ability to remain teachable.
Thank you very much for your valuable and worthy comments. I agree with all of you that provocation is the weapon of the weak. As much as we live, we will face such kind of people who have nothing to do except for provoking others. I think ignoring is the best solution.
Dear Colleagues,
Good Day,
"When Provoked Don't Get Angry, Get Detached to Stay Calm
By Amber Moore
When people provoke you, try distancing yourself from them and look at the provocation objectively to stay calm, says a new study.
“The secret is to not get immersed in your own anger and, instead, have a more detached view,” said Dominik Mischkowski, lead author of the research and a graduate student in psychology at Ohio State University.
Mischkowski suggests that you have to see the whole situation "as a fly on the wall would see it."
The research was based on two studies. In the first study, 95 participants were told that they were taking part in a study on how music affects problem-solving abilities. These people were asked to listen to music while they solved anagrams. But, the twist was that the experiment was actually designed to provoke the participants. To achieve this, participants were regularly interrupted during the task and were asked to speak loudly into the intercom.
After this, the participants were told that they will be participating in a study on music and feelings. They were asked to replay the anagram test scene in their minds.
These participants were then divided into three groups. The first group was asked to think about how they felt; the second group was asked to see the scene as it happened from a distance and the third group was a control group and wasn't given any direction.
The researchers then conducted tests to determine which group was most aggressive. They found that people who distanced themselves from the situations were less likely to be aggressive.
“The self-distancing approach helped people regulate their angry feelings and also reduced their aggressive thoughts,” Mischkowski said.
“The fact that those who used self-distancing showed lower levels of aggression shows that this technique can work in the heat of the moment when the anger is still fresh," Mischkowski said."...
Please, go to the attached website link for more details....
http://www.medicaldaily.com/when-provoked-dont-get-angry-get-detached-stay-calm-241085
As mentioned earlier that ignoring is the right weapon. Many thanks to all of you for your comments.
Small dogs have to bark, but big dogs don’t need to—everyone knows they’re strong. So ignoring is the right weapon.
Thanks dear Sudhir for your comment. I agree with you that ignoring is the right way of dealing with such people.
Always try to ignore them.
Remain focused
Don't fight back
Pray to God about them always
Disarming Your Buttons: How Not to Get Provoked
It's actually quite simple. When your buttons get pushed, you react. Automatically. After all, that's what getting your buttons pushed means. Stimulus-response, stimulus-response. . . . Or rather, stimulus-reaction. For "response" implies choice; and when your buttons are being hammered, your counter-behavior is instantaneous--sans forethought, deliberation, or (for that matter) discretion. In such instances, you're impelled--by a force that's far stronger, far more primal, than your rational adult mind--to strenuously defend yourself. Or to attack whoever has (perhaps unwittingly) provoked you. Or, in a sudden state of urgency, to hastily retreat from the situation altogether...
And try to remember that, in the end--even if someone really wanted to push your buttons--they couldn't do so without your consent.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200910/disarming-your-buttons-how-not-get-provoked-pt-1-4
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200910/disarming-your-buttons-how-not-get-provoked-pt-2-4
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200910/disarming-your-buttons-how-not-get-provoked-part-3-4
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/200910/disarming-your-buttons-how-not-get-provoked-pt-4-4
Hello, always remain calm, and let them know you understand their need for attention, their inadequacies and insecurities, and their inability to discuss or resolve issues in a serious or positive way.
Do step few times and they will very quickly toddle off elsewhere when they see you won’t take the bait, and they’re wasting their own time
never react, just respond...keep smile even it is odd, if it is good then follow otherwise skipped it.
Karen, do not make plagiarism!!! This is original resource!
https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-deal-with-people-who-are-trying-to-provoke-you
Projection and transference are behind most provocations; non-reactive measures are the best behavioral method, unless physical defense is needed.
Usually person encourage another person to 'Provoke' & 'Liberty' via not Penetration in life of others secured peaceful environment.
'Silence' is undefeatable 'Spiritual' mantra & eliminate 'Provocation', 'Anger' or 'Hate' from 'Society' at large
To simply say:” Somebody provoked me or I am mad at somebody@is simply not logical ! The right term is: I am provoked or I am mad. To be provoked is an act that is generated from inside! You are the master if your own body, thoughts and emotions! We should train outselves to not give the privalege of provoking us to anyone!this is simply a personal and private matter.
Frankly, people who keep provoking others for or without reasons, it's because they have some problems or psychological reason.
1- They underestimate themselves.
2- They feel imcomplete to do same work or to complete in the same choice.
3- Some time it's because they didnt love themselves for no reasons
4- They didn't acheive some goals so they provok others who can do that.
Thanks to all for your answers. You are all right. Ignoring is the right way of dealing with such peoples and surely there are some psychological reasons.
Newton's law: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Or every action always reacts in the opposite direction .so if some one mad of you and you have been searching for a reason in yourself and you didn't find his action will return to him you have just to watch so the right way of dealing with such people is Ignoring. that why there is a law in the universe make the earth Spins around
Good to watch. React Calmly Around People Who Try To Provoke You...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0DnnnjqTsU
There are many comments under the clip.
Thanks dears. You all agree that ignoring is the right way.
Valuable contributions by respected colleagues on this discussion
Do not fight them, just show them love instead. They will home back to appreciate you one day.
Always look for their good and not making them your enemies. They could have a change of mind one day.
If ignoring the situation does not work and things get heated, if verbal provokation, try to calm the situation, if one has enough communication skills to convinvce others; if physical escalation, then if one is james bond and can fight four or five people on the opposite side, only, if totally unavoidable and for defensive purpose; but if an ordinary human being and cannot fight physical fight, try to avoid, get help, or run....
- Badges
- Science topic
- Similar topics
- Psychology