Why in a relationship does one partner abuse another, physically or mentally? Or each abuse the other? Finding someone in a world of violence and negativity (not always) should create happiness.
Bad parenting?
Traumas in childhood and beyond?
Personal failures?
There are many factors to take in account. The most important are : 1 )The partner is usually the person you are in a intimate relation. Then it s easy to develop a relation with her or him where there is the transference of some features of the intimate relation you have had in the past, tipically with the caregivers. The problem is that often there is also a trend to reverse the roles of that relation. So an abused child can develop both an abusive behaviour toward the partner in adult life, both an abused role. 2) There is also the tendency in identify himself with the person felt as the strong one your infancy ( A Freud called this the " identification with the aggressor" ).
In every case the capacity to develop a psychological attitude toward yourself can make the difference.
Quite honestly, excellent responses.
Giovanni, transference is certainly crucial. Seeing yourself in the other and wishing to control or eliminate it. Transferring experiences of childhood.
Mushtaq, excellent reply. The cruel partner knows their partners weaknesses and may capitalise when angry with partner, world or themselves.
Syed, very true. It may be different things. A good observation.
Do any of you have the courage to describe your own experiences?
it happens because of the type of relationship they have, everything is like a vicious circle, of abusive parents, abusive children, an abusive person knows how to know a helpless person to be able to manipulate and mistreat her
Catia, yes they have a third sense. Predators who smell a victim. But whether or not they suffered abuse, I'm not convinced its always the case.
Touched on it well, Karol. But why do they not change? Is it because they expect too much from relationships?
It is a multifactorial psycho-social problem. Lack of social skills, history of abuse, lack of support systems and often, personality disorders.
Everyone has a personality, I assume. so everyone can be abusive and be abused
This is a very complex topic, since is a multifactorial problem. One of this factor it would be the attachment disorders, and also cognitive distorsion in parents about childhood and love.
All of the answers are realistic
Plus, simply different views on life
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