Dear Hein Retter and of course other followers,
Thank you for adding valuable input to the discussion. Absolutely your scenario touches my heart to share my real experience and I see that Vadim S. Gorshkov adding more to it. We appreciate for sharing such a wonderful heart touching story. To your question Vadim S. Gorshkov , I would say that education is a key as long as provided in a such way that bring behavioral and developmental change. Looking forward to more discussion!
I, like many fathers, use the method: Never do like me ... It works.
When babies start crawling or walking, they become stubborn and prone to risks like fire, theft and poison. They damage stuff such as phones, radio, so alot of patience required from parents and relatives.
الثقة بالنفس
وتاتي بأعطاه حرية تكون مفلترة
بالاضافة الى وجود جو من التفاهم بين الشريكين
تخلق منه انسانا شجاعا
Rewarding and reinforcement of good and positive behaviors always work.
This becomes reality at a time when children - about four years of age or older - strictly refuse to follow the parents' instructions and show their own - opposite - will to advantage. When a child who has played outside suddenly refuses to wash his or her hands before lunch - an action that the child knows and has followed in parents' role model. It used to be said that the child was "defiant" and that parents should break this defiance because the child should learn obedience. Children were beaten even when they were not obedient. Today, in a time of partnership-based upbringing, the case is somewhat more complicated.
Encouraging, hugging and looking at the child's face is the best way to develop his skills and increase his self-confidence.
Hein Retter
I had my own way of overcoming stubbornness. When my son asked me: “Why should I wash my hands?”, I very quickly answered: “According to the decree of the government of the Russian Federation, or according to the decision of the UN General Assembly.” He thought for a long time and was obedient for the next 5 minutes (as he could not do two things at the same time - to stubborn and think ), and then ... I had to come up with something else that confused him. A good answer: "Someone must do this in our family." There are many more other options. But now I can’t overspeak him ... Although now the cleanliness of his hands is not my problem.
Dear Hein Retter , thank you for sharing your opinion. It is something the same experience i am facing from my four years old son. The strategy I am using now is by giving them a reward/check marks for each good thing they did, like washing after playing. Instead of asking to was I would say, "if you was you will get one check mark". This is working for me and happy to learn from others experience in the RG platform.
Mohammed Kemal / Vadim S. Gorshkov / followers
Dear colleagues, thank you for your interesting experiences. It seems that not only the question, but also the example I have chosen by chance, evoke memories of concrete situations that represent a typical educational conflict. And sometimes, as Vadim pointed out, very special attempts at solutions come to light.
Of course, every mother and father will try to solve the problem "in the best way". And perhaps also do small experiments to find the best way. Sometimes it's not about the thing (here: washing hands), but about the person, if e.g. father or mother has a certain tone of voice in order to send a reminder to the child, then well-rehearsed reactions are awakened in the child, opposing forces. And yet parents usually find a good solution.
In order for children to pay attention to what we say to them we must treat them very kindly and encourage them constantly
To pay children to attention to what we say to them we must treat them very kindly and encourage them constantly
I have one additional strange example. Friend of my has wife and 5 (!!!) daughters (totally six womens: 3-45 years old). He says: "I am able to track the thought of one women (NB: he is very strong in understanding, it is possible not always), but when they start to speak two (of six), I’m already lost." As a result, not he, but they educate him, and they do consider it as their duty (even youngest one). He says he is envy of King Lear - he had 3 daughters only... So it is also possible. Childhood and youth of girls are held in the upbringing of the goofy father. Meanwhile, outside the home, he is a very respected and famous person. Does the educating system works?
Special conflict constellations occur when several children are close by age in the family. Younger children, in particular, feel easily abandoned and too reprimanded because both parents and older siblings control their behaviour. There is a lot on the table when they eat together.
If a child is then invited by a friend to take part in a meal in the family of the friend or even to spend the night there, then it is quite possible that we as parents of our own child - let's say it is a school child of 7 years - are worried whether our son, who always shows an impossible behaviour at the table at lunch at home (by annoying the siblings), hopefully behaves decently with this family.
In my experience, in such an event the parents of the school friend always tell how well and nicely this boy behaved when he was visiting. Perhaps you, dear colleagues, as fathers and mothers with your child also made this experience.
Vadim S. Gorshkov
That's a very interesting story you're telling, Vadim. Of course there is: I have 5 daughters, three of these daughters have 4 children, one daughter has 4 sons, 2 of them are still going to school at the moment, the others are already studying. But if the 5 men (incl. father) are all eating and the housewife is the only female being who has the actual direction and much house work - then it is not easy for the housewife, mother and wife to have five men and not a single female being in the family. - It is nevertheless a happy family!
Dear Hein Retter and of course other followers,
Thank you for adding valuable input to the discussion. Absolutely your scenario touches my heart to share my real experience and I see that Vadim S. Gorshkov adding more to it. We appreciate for sharing such a wonderful heart touching story. To your question Vadim S. Gorshkov , I would say that education is a key as long as provided in a such way that bring behavioral and developmental change. Looking forward to more discussion!
Most of the families that I see are multicenter structures that are quite complicated. Parents not only interact with each other and raise their children, but also children influence their parents and each other. Every big family has its own bosses and outsiders, leaders and followers, and these roles change over time. I gave an example of a family where the “father” (absolutely, in my opinion, devoid of the negative manifestations typical for men) is clearly opposed to the rest of the family, and the children are not grow up by parents, but, on the contrary, are raise by each other in the process of a common activity - “turning the father into a human person". Moreover, everyone sees the father as an object of influence and change, and not equal to them (for example, in this family there are 3 or 4 cars, and the father almost uses the smallest, oldest and less prestigious, and the "father’s machine" is used by older girls or his wife - "they need it more". At the same time, of course, they do not offend or humiliate the father, but they treat him more like a beloved domestic dog ...
I am shocked by his patience and tolerance at home (at work, he is quite self-sufficient and strong man).
I think Vadim S. Gorshkov has pointed out something important: The relationships within a family with children are very complex and they develop very dynamically. The gender of the individual child and its age ranking in the sibling series create a particularly dynamic role for the family members among each other. If parents live in a permanent conflict or in alienated relationships (because at least one or even both parents have an external love relationship), then children often become the bearers of disappointments, but also the bearers of messages that apply to the alienated spouse. There are studies that show that the ambivalent relationships of children with their alienated parents cause lifelong conflicts: If the children themselves have grown up, have a life partner, then it can be that the old conflict situation repeats itself only in reversed roles. I have experienced that the desire as a teenager to shape the upbringing of one's own children differently than the parents did with me (full of conflicts) can lead to such conflicts being reintroduced in a different way into one's own family life, in which one is now a father or mother and "educates" the children.
The specific issues are
Mentally challenged
Born with congenital anomalies
Complications of medical/ surgical treatment
Attention seeking
Too much naughty
Shy in nature
Deaf/ dumb/ blind
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