It is too difficult if not impossible to restore a damaged relation. Because, there will be so many barriers in the way of building trust again.

of course, it all depends on the situation, the people and the circumstances. But I believe that it is only the basic pattern of our behaviour that offers a chance to gradually regain trust: Honesty in the initial constitution of a debate and honesty in behaviour. Often people behave very differently than their words are. Such ambivalence would further erode trust.

Restoration of trust, as a social capital, is possible as aftermath of alienation or conflict. Practical strategies include integration, availing of rights, and transparency. If the affected people can perceive and develop a sense of being accepted and respected, then trust is likely to dawn on them and thrive.

Nour Shakir

It is too difficult if not impossible to restore a damaged relation. Because, there will be so many barriers in the way of building trust again.

I think this question makes us think more closely about what trust actually is, how trust can be burdened with misconduct or is fragile. I think - but it can be debated - that trust between two friends, between man and woman in a close relationship, or between parents and child, leader and group, basically has the same structural characteristics. A role is played by emotional attachment, deep mutual knowledge of each other, mutual expectations. There may also be a risk factor: sometimes we do not fully understand each other's behaviour, or are even disappointed. And yet we give a leap of faith to those we trust and like.

I say this because not every deviant behaviour immediately leads to a breach of trust. If this should nevertheless be the case, the friendship relationship was to be broken from the outset in danger. Too much jealousy is one of the worst peculiarities, because it gives no freedom and wants to control the other constantly.

Vincent Raphael Nyirenda

thank you for your comment. You said: "Restoration of trust, as a social capital, is possible as aftermath of alienation or conflict. Practical strategies include integration, availing of rights, and transparency."

I strongly support your statements. It is important for our discussion because we can of course also relate the problem "trust - loss of trust - regaining trust" to group processes - to the trust between the leader and the working group in a company or an institute. Here, too, it can happen that the leader is powerful, but has gambled away his trust. One knows such things from the everyday life of the university enterprise. Thank you.

Fateh Boutekkouk

thank you, I hope to get some further experiences or statements within our discussion.

Fadi Habash

i think, principally you are right if it's a deep relationship in marriage, or, for instance, a lifelong friendship. But we should not forget that our normal everyday behaviour also depends on mutual trust. When we are disappointed by someone, we simply do not talk to hin or her or avoid him or her. Of course, the addressee will notice that. Let's assume it's a member of your work team, then it is relevant being able to talk to each other if you are mutually dependent on a successful completion of the project.

I would say: In such a case, it should not be the one who is to blame, but the one who considers himself more reasonable who should try such a discussion. It may happen that the other person felt my own behaviour was hurt at a certain point that I was not even aware of. Friendship in a working group certainly also means that one knows the character of the other well. Temperaments and reactions are different.

The strategies required do really depend on the situation.

In business, trust can be re/established with guarantees and guarantors, contracts and statements.

Between states, completion of agreed political targets and commitments.

In academia, further achievements

In fact trust is more easily achieved again with outside contracts and agreements, but between lovers or couples very difficult without genuine communication, but even there regaining trust depends entirely on the investment made by each person in the relationship. Usually in friendship when trust is lost the old close friendship cannot be retreived as in fact one or other of the friends has moved on and the loss of friendship was desired.

Thank you, Stanley, for your contribution, valuable as ever. You raised an important point that I did not mention: trust is essential when concluding treaties if they are to bring benefits not only in the short term, but also in the long term, while at the same time being a good guarantor of peaceful relations. History knows enough treaties, not least peace treaties after a war conflict, that they are merely a dictation of the victor. In the long term, this brings more danger than benefit. The complex and sensitive structure of trust often consists of the fact that one side has greater freedom of choice and power than the other. This is also all too well known from marital relationships. But there, as in a company where there is a functional power gap, mutual trust is a dynamic, fragile entity. The one who has the greater power must think and act for the other side, whose trust he appreciates. If there is no longer any trust in the boss, then a company is hardly capable of delivering top performance, but the employees perform "service by the book".

M. Mirrashid

Now we are again at a common exchange of ideas about a difficult personal question. Of course, mutual respect is a central basis; from my experience there are three different fields of experience in which alienation and conflict of a couple occur: If such a conflict threatens from outside, from other close persons, if a concrete conflict arises in the relationship of trust between the two partners of a relationship or if the relationship gradually suffers from alienation over a somewhat longer period of time. I believe that alienation is the biggest problem because it cannot be determined and depends on a self-determined definition that is guided by individual feeling. There are increasing cycles of alienation in married life: e.g. the man is unfriendly to the woman, she withdraws. As a result, the man becomes even more unfriendly - and she withdraws even more. Of course, this role behaviour can also be reversed: The woman scolds, the man wants his rest and withdraws. At some point one talks oneself out and sleeps together again. But then things start all over again. In my experience, there is an imbalance in marriage: The woman expects more personal social esteem from the man in the utterances and gestures, while the man suffers from the fact that she shows too little interest for him, even as a man.

I only know one method that helps something. If you have a little positive surprise for your partner from time to time, an idea to do something together, a bouquet of flowers, a meal together, etc., I can help. Out of turn, so to speak, so that mutual expectations and their cycles are broken. You should try this - it doesn't help all situations, but it helps more than you expect.