Forgiveness and reconciliation allow the person process the pain, hurt or anger that is within them as a result of whatever occurred it does not necessarily mean you are doing it for the other party this is more about meeting your own needs and desires giving you a chance to set these feelings aside by first acknowledging them understanding where they came from then releasing them. This can feel very freeing.

I would like to direct your to research conducted by the Standford Forgiveness Project and Fred Luskin, PhD, author of "Forgive for Good." Resear is showing that there are health as well as emotional benefits from learning to forigive. I integrated Fred's work with the AA 12-Step program in a group format. Participants reported increased ability to let go of resentments, reduced stress, and improved resillience to stressors. The focus is on forgiving as something that benefits your own internal state. It is not about the other person or forgetting that the harm occured. It is about choosing to free yourself from the psychological energy it takes to maintain hyper vigilant resentment.Michelle Ryan

I agree with the research @ Christina Caro forgiveness can really help one move forward from past trauma. I feel I may have been misinterpreted in what I was trying to communicate. There are occasions when one may not be able to forgive an action or person in a physical sense for many reasons but one can still forgive in absentia allowing them to still move forward and leave the blame behind enabling them to focus on their resilience and strength and move forward. I hope this made my point clearer.

Hi Michelle Ryan . I actually was trying to agree with you and support your comment in response to the original question from Juliet Kamaru , but I was having problems with this chat box erasing my comment each time I tagged you. :^( Your comment is supported by the research conducted by the Stanford Forgiveness Project.

I think having a discussion in this way can be somewhat confusing as words are open to interpretation and can be taken out of context. Thank you Christina Caro

Forgiveness and reconciliation enhance relationship repair, as counseling will offer a safe place for clients to work through their issues and rebuild trust and communication. For this to happen, forgiveness is a requirement since it frees both parties from the weight of unresolved issues from the past.

Acceptance leads to forgiveness as all types of negativity acts like boomerang ,so if one knows the importance and awareness about forgivenenss they tend to follow it .

Forgiveness and reconciliation encourage the couple to be able to move on from past problems that fracture the present of the relationship. Forgiving in order to reconcile takes a lot of energy from each member of the couple; it also requires a process of reflection and analysis of the situations that led to conflict, once the couple forgives each other, then they can move forward in a healthier, more adaptive way and with a better knowledge of each other, which can lead to a better communication and trust.

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Counseling is the best field to help clients manage and resolve the issues they face. Be aware that counseling is about what the client needs to do. What they want to do or the action they want to take, will change the situation and hopefully it will be able to solve the issues that arise. So forgiveness and reconciliation is a form of 'self-expression' against the situation, and it is necessary to do if that is the best for a client.

It’s a fascinating topic, and the process of whole-hearted forgiveness can be, in some cases, extremely beneficial, and in many cases hugely damaging. To exert any pressure on an individual to forgive a betrayal or abuse - particularly in a romantic partnership - is a disaster and can compound existing trauma and emotional pain. Acceptance of facts and events is a different matter - and definitely a healthy step to growth and recovery. The word “forgiveness” has so many inferred value systems - with Christianity for example - that it can bring external pressures that are not helpful in a counselling context. So, in my opinion, when in doubt, a counsellor should seek to guide “acceptance” rather than “forgiveness”.

@Stephen May I agree definitely a fascinating topic. Sometimes the individual needs to begin their healing process by firstly forgiving themselves. I believe this can often be a forgotten step and the individual is carrying alot of guilt or shame over things thar happened to them that they actually did not do. Even realising this can help.

Yup. I tend to prefer the terminology of “compassion”. Self-compassion and compassion for others, especially when they have harmed us or caused us pain. I think it avoids the “turn the other cheek” associations that often come with notions of forgiveness. There are big power dynamics underpinning the linguistics in this field, I think.