You need to consider this scenario in the background of the child's psychological development.

Age specific development of social skills is very interesting to observe in children.

The most dramatic changes are observed from the age of One year onwards.

The child is not really ready for associative play or sharing till they turn 3 -4 years and then progress to co-operative play (at 5 years)- and this is the stage where they start having the concept of 'friendship'. Do note that some researchers put this milestone at '3 years' .

You may have observed different dynamics altogether -seen in younger children when it comes to interactions with their cousins or other related playmates of comparable age. The development of 'tolerance'and 'acceptance' to other children depends on important factors such as - 1) Time/frequency of exposure to other children, 2) Degree of interactive/co-operative play, 3) Amount of attention given by the parent/ teacher to the child, 4) Individual personality traits, 5) 'Approval' or 'Disapproval' exhibited by parents/teachers to the child's interaction with others. Most of the 'non-friendly' behaviour stems from insecurities.

A kid left to himself has an inherent sense of possessiveness of objects he brings to school or toys he regularly plays with. If he is playing with a toy, and sees another kid deriving some pleasure of playing with another toy- he will want to add it to his possessions expecting a similar pleasure. If at this point a teacher intervenes and reprimands the child, he develops an aversion for group play. If the teacher is patient and appreciates the child, encourages it and rewards it with praise for attempts at friendliness, then it works wonders. This scenario (at the play school level' needs to be taken as the root level.

Parents having 'playgroups' and 'kid get togethers' at homes often see a more rapid development of social skills in their children. A For a play school going kid, it is realistic to expect 3-4 friends.

As the child progresses to school, and the academics start in full swing, parents most often forget that kids need other kids. The reduced time spent in social play and get togethers affects them adversely. Parental criticism for the time spent playing and comments on friendships also play a part in curtailing friendships. Kids also observe the degree of interactions made by their parents with their peers, and the pleasantries of social gatherings observed by them would have a positive effect.

In the school, children often prefer making friends with the ones sitting closely to them, or members of a team. Peer behaviour is also an important factor here. A few children who are extroverts in nature, have a larger 'fan base' associated with them. A kid who does not get acknowledged by the former recede further into their comfort zones, and cut down interactions to a greater extent. In school, it is normal to have a limited number of friends- a few of whom the child will begin to classify as ' best friends'. Children often gravitate towards others who can be best identified with themselves unless they are 'worshippers' of the extroverts.

As the kids reach higher grades, they often prefer being associated with a larger group.

At all the stages, the personality of the child, the support structure at home/school play an important part in influencing 'friendly' behaviour

Indrajit Suresh ji do you have any reference material on this subject.

@ Indrajit Suresh

Wow, what a thorough answer:) I hope I can add just a few things that may be useful. I agree with everything, but would like to stress that, as far as I know, society has become more and more withdrawn with the exception of some countries/some areas. This obviously affects the parents, who--in America--for the first time on record, are saying if they could have kids over again, they wouldn't. They are busy, they are tired, and its apparently sinking in that kids take work, esp. cognitive work. So parents, as individuals, many of them just want to get to Friday, shut the door, and watch tv, maybe socialize via electronics, but basically hide away. And yes, you were correct about the rough ages that children play instrumentally versus beginning to be aware of psychological needs and how friendship plays a role. But they, even with siblings, have only known a very withdrawn, quiet, lonely existence, never learned nor practiced social skills, and then they are put into school. Depending, as you said, on temperament and other factors, the child develops what is often called 'school phobia', but is social anxiety and parents get phone calls to pick the kids up at lunch maybe 2,3 days a week; they don't want to go to school; they may be more social at home at dinner, but as soon as bedtime is approaching, their anxiety is often mistaken for (at times severe) irritability as they refuse to brush teeth, get ready for bed, etc. As they age, anything including this that causes children to not sleep well causes them to not perform as well the next day, and the type of child who wishes to please begins to feel more and more badly about himself. Studies show blind diagnosing of children who were allowed 5-6, 7-8 or 9-10 hours of sleep over 2 weeks ( 4,5 and 6th graders) will result in the kids who got less than 9 being dx significantly more often with ADHD. Then take same grades and allow the kids to sleep more/less, do another blind diagnostic interview, and the ADHD is gone if they are in the category where they get the sleep they need. This also causes problems, teachers sending notes, parents angry, punishments. So the group of 'shy' kids first of all may have learned it, or simply failed to learn how to be social, and it spiraled; or, they may be social, but b/c they had sports, dinner and a bath, they developed a pattern of fighting over homework, meaning staying up late, or wanting their homework to be better, so they stay up late, then are a mess the next day. Very heterogeneous group. They do find one friend who is like them most of the time, esp. if they are anxious, and then the two of them create a niche, a safe space, where they feel good but don't learn the social skills they need. And now they are in middle school. At this point its not so much the parents, as they may have even had another child, become more social, or not; but the kid is actively constructing his own life, his niche, and that is what keeps him locked into shy or avoidant behavior. A good diagnostic evaluation would be worth it, as the older kids get, the more active they can be in creating their own worlds. You'd want to be sure it was really just that they were shy. I hope this helped, take care.

Early communication is important for social attachment and selfconfidence. From the beginning the child’s relation to the parents is growing by interchange of emotions and by satisfying the child’s needs. Some parents are not able to communicate with their babies and little children in this way, because they lack empathy. They can’t contain their chidren’s emotions and don’t help them keeping or regaining their equilibrium. In the worst case they do violence to their children. A style of insecure attachment to the person to whom the small child relates most closely is the result of missing emotional co-regulation by the parents. Such parents’ children can’t get in contact with somebody else either. This problem may last a lifetime and causes shyness and social isolation at school. Naming emotions and relating everyday experiences can help to prevent such a development and to exert a favourable influence on such children. Also childrens’ literature can make shy children who find it difficult to make friends emotionally ‘literate’. In this way children gain more self-awareness and self-competence. In this context didactics of narrating is important.

Thanks Dr Kelly

https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/common-challenges/making-keeping-friends/why-some-kids-have-trouble-making-friends

Because they are still the instinct that God created them.

This excellent question and the magnificent answers that have followed, have wide and contradictory views. There is an analysis at the following link: BIBLIOGRAPHY REVIEW OF CHILDREN'S PLAY IN CONDITIONS OF IDENTITY AND GLOBALIZATION

http://scielo.sld.cu/scielo.php?script=sci_arttext&pid=S1990-86442020000100350&lng=es&nrm=iso

Reinaldo Requeiro That link did not work and I am interested in further reading around this topic. Can you provide an author or other details for the Bibliography review of Children's Play in Conditions of Identity and Globalisation? Thank you in advance.