Depending on your FAITH or religious affiliation....you can start by telling them for example (if they are Christians) "Hello Baby, you know God loves us all. It is God that created us and has the right to our life anytime". Let this be a kind of an interactive session whereby the child responds with a sense of wisdom and understanding. Before breaking the news of a close relative. Saying that the "person has gone to heaven" and so on. Best Wishes.

If we want to talk with the children about difficult issues and painful events that happened, for that first we have to check their coping strategies. If they have good coping skills then we can disclose them this difficult issues or painful event. And if they are lack in coping then we have to first work on their coping strategies.

The most exciting development in education that gives opportunities for children to talk about serious issues in a safe setting is P4C or Philosophy with Children, or see also SAPERE.

Digital Storytelling, as advocated by the Center for Digital Storytelling (http://www.storycenter.org/), is a process which enables participants to talk, share and listen and ultimately create, using their own voice and illustrations/photos a very short (2-3 minutes) digital story. The process is simple and with the help of an adult, even a 5 year old is able to create a story. The power of Digital Storytelling, I believe, resides in the combination of narrative (see for example Ochs and Capps (1996) Narrating the self) and the personal voice (in terms of speaking, and in terms of perspective). Children can illustrate their story using their own drawings or family pictures and finally add a soundtrack. In today's technological predominant environment, it is possible to aggreate the best of both worlds. The process is based on personal reflection through an old, time-resistant technique, which children of all ages adore: storytelling which is then transposed to the computer.

There are studies and projects using Digital Storytelling in health with very positive results (see for example http://www.patientvoices.org.uk/). There are also many studies of Digital Storytelling in informal educational settings, as a means to foster community and agency. Digital Storytelling incorporates play and art activities, as mentioned by Ana Beleza, in a safe setting as referred by Laurence Smith. Its focus is not the digital (although, depending on the age, this could be very relevant) but rather the sharing and making sense of one's life and experience through narrative.

Many parents, educators and clinicians are raising this issue in light of the Sandy Hook School event. It is important to make a distinction between an empathetic response and that of having actually experienced a trauma. Most had an empathetic response to that event, as having a traumatic response requires more of a direct connection to the actual trauma. Accordingly, a few questions are raised.

Clearly, the question of how to “heal” from a trauma is crucial and the paramount concern. Another question is about how to talk with young people about their reaction to, for example, news reports (of which there are many about all kinds of occurrences everyday) about Sandy Hook. Again, distinctions are necessary.

With the latter, I suggest not making a mountain out of a molehill. Keep the discussion simple, honest and not over-reactive. Address the concern(s) by exploring their concern (age appropriately) with them by asking questions rather than making pronouncements. Let them, in essence, guide the dialogue.

With an actual traumatic experience, the response and attendant intervention requires something quite different. For that, I suggest arranging for professional guidance as the trauma no doubt involves not just the individual but also those trying to be of help. It’s important to avoid a potential “blind leading the blind” scenario. Also, bear in mind that repeated retelling of the “trauma story” serves to “re-traumatize” the teller and quite possibly the listener.

An excellent resource on trauma is the work of Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. available through his website: http://www.traumacenter.org. Also, Thomas Joiner, Ph.D. addressed and wrote about this issue in discussing the suicide of his father with his very young son (the grandson). Refer to his book, Myths About Suicide.

We are creatures of curiosity, but we proceed from a base of comfort. In my role as a teacher, my first priority (many priorities!) is to establish a base of "normalcy", a point to which a child may return when in emotional need. Mostly, a consistently calm exterior, and, in plain terms, I try to be a good listener with "a good line of bull", meaning, don't lie to a child, but don't increase the anxiety by directly addressing the issue that might be at the worst moment, such as finding "blame", or providing "the answer". Rather, allow the child to express feelings, but avoid engaging your own interpretations,even if your interpretations are a comfort to you. Worse, don't allow the child to be carried away by the chaotic feelings of fear, remorse, sorrow, anger. Get a story going --for example, in any group, or with any individual, any age, try this: "Have you ever been stung by a bee?" I have found this universal question diverts attention immediately to a common threat that is more manageable for the stressed child, evokes sympathy, and we all have our own story about being stung, or knowing someone who has, and (kind of strangely) we are compelled to tell these stories. This kind of diversion from the child's internal struggles can be welcome respite -- a return, if only for a bit, to normalcy.

But, please, please, please, do not try to carry on for too long alone.

Dear Renata,

I do not know if you are proposing this question for your personal or profesional use. I consider that in this issue the attitude of the adult is a key point. Many times we feel uncertain about what to say and what not to say to a young person. Because many times it is difficult to know how would the information that we transmit affect them . I do not think that there is a correct answer for acting on these situations, because each situation has its own particularities. But what I feel is that it is very important to try to manage our own feelings about the situation and during the talk. It is sometimes more important how we say things than what we say, and the way we say things has a lot to do with the way we feel. Therefore, the more we are able to explore, define, recognize and accept our inner states, and the more able we are to, recognizing these states, focus our attention on a compassionate, caring state of mind, the more able we are to help another person, old or young, to manage the emotional internal states, sometimes unpleasant, that some situations may induce.

Best

Juanjo