I had a problem for so long. I could easily delete elements in ABAQUS implicit solver but I needed to use VUMAT so I had to have Explicit solution but the element did not disappear for so long. I saw some others had the same problem.
My model was 3D model for SLJ joints where the adhesive was modeled using Cohesive elements. I could finally solve the problem with two critical modifications to the model:
1. adding Stack direction to the elements
2. remove the contact pairs from the model. The problem here is that if you apply contact to any interface with cohesive elements nearby, it will avoid element deletion.
I hope this helps you.