Women also often find it easier to fantasise when self-pleasuring than in sex with a partner. The immediacy of someone else’s needs actually inhibits the expression and satisfaction of their own. Some also say they have to imagine that the person making love to them is not the person they know so well. (Sheila Kitzinger)
While I have heard this claim before, men do exactly the same. We do not image our partners.
Personally, I have concluded that eroticism and arousal depend on assuming the perspective of the penetrating male. The role of receiving male ejaculate is not arousing. It is merely a question of remaining in position until the male has ejaculated. This explains why women do not orgasm with a lover. Masturbation when using explicit erotic fantasy is the only way for a woman to ever experience erotic arousal. Most women never discover this.
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