Men often feel very angry with women who never initiate sex and too often don’t want sex. But this anger has a tone of alienation, guilt, and insecurity: men feel instinctively on some level that sex does not involve an equal sharing, especially when they are having an orgasm and the woman does not – and this puts them on the defensive. (Shere Hite)
Hi Jane,
This is a very discriminatory and extreme statement. Sex is not an object to be achieved. What matters are these subjective relationships. If the relationships themselves between spouses dwindle and lose meaning, or there is unspoken tension, hidden violence, then part of the mental withdrawal manifests itself in a sort of boredom (which certain modalities in psychotherapy will see as hidden anger).
In summery,
Sex should be an expression of subjective intimacy and not a mechanical act. If they become a mechanical act - then they start to get boring like many Sisyphean things we do over and over again.
There is decades of research conclusions that indicate very clearly - beyond any reasonable doubt - that men are much much more sexually motivated than women are. Men have a sex drive. Women don't. Women, most of the time, make a conscious choice to offer intercourse in exchange for a loving relationship. Otherwise it is just ego, money and vanity - women make money out of the male need for sex. But women don't need sex at all. Sex becomes a bargaining chip in relationships that men resent. The mismatch in sex drives is what causes misunderstanding and conflict in couples sex lives. Please see my work via nosper.com if you have any interest in the reality - rather than the fiction - of sexuality. Few women ever comment or show any knowledge of sexual phenomena.
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