This is my first sexual relationship. I am eighteen – almost nineteen. I must say that I had expected much more. … When I am having sex, I don’t really feel anything. Sometimes I feel him in me but not usually. This I don’t understand. I really thought that I would be able to feel his penis in me but I usually don’t. (Shere Hite)
I post on many different social media & forums. There are many questions that adults cannot answer about sexuality. This is just one of them. I note that you have not answered the question for example? Neither women nor their lovers (male or female) can explain how women achieve erotic (rather than emotional) arousal with a lover. No one can even explain the anatomy involved in female orgasm. Men stimulate the anatomy that arouses them. So people assume that women orgasm by stimulating any body part. But for men orgasm always involves stimulation of the penis. I am challenging these assumptions and misconceptions that contribute to modern sexual ignorance. The clitoris was highlighted as the equivalent organ to the penis decades ago. Clearly it does not respond with a lover because intercourse still reigns supreme due to male sex drive. Even cunnilingus is a male passion rather than an activity that women crave.
Do you feel anything when doing self exploration? If you are not exploring your own anatomy and learning about your own sexuality before having sex with someone else, maybe it’s time. Have you ever crouched over a mirror and really checked out your vulva? Do you know what the anatomy of your sexual organs looks like? How it functions? If you haven’t already, I highly recommend looking into how the female body functions in a sexual context and really go on a self exploration of your body and how it functions. If you don’t figure out how you receive pleasure (because we are all different in that sense) then you will have a difficult time experiencing pleasure with someone else. That’s just food for thought. And always remember to be in charge of your pleasure by telling your partner what you like and don’t like. If you don’t, then how will they know? If you keep sex honest (leave the acting to the actors), the. You will always have enjoyable sexual experience. Women have a tendency to want to please others and insomuch end up with a mediocre experience themselves. If it doesn’t feel good or if you can’t feel anything, don’t make a big production like you are having this amazing experience. Keep in mind, if you don’t use your words to tell your partner how things feel then he will have to rely on your audible and visual context clues to know if he’s pleasing you. I would like to know more about your experience and what you mean by not feeling anything. Do you mean physically? Metaphorically? Spiritually? Please specify. If it’s physical then maybe it has something to do with his penis size. If not then there could be something going on with your nerve endings in your vulva.
Thanks Danielle for commenting. Few women are brave enough to do so. I have masturbated since the age of 17 regularly throughout many decades. No problem there. I am asking about porno orgasms - those orgasm we see porno actresses supposedly having that sexologists promote to women as if they are achievable in reality. The vagina is part of women's reproductive anatomy that men do not have. Sexual response relates to the anatomy that men and women have in common. The penis and clitoris both develop from the genital tubercle in the foetus. The vagina is simply a reproductive tract that is part of the birth canal. A babies head passes down it, so a penis can hardly have much impact. What do you think you feel and why do you focus on physical stimulation? Mental arousal is much more critical. There is no point in applying stimulation if a person is not mentally aroused. Just think of a limp penis! But no one can name any female erotic turn-ons with a lover. Clearly women are not aroused and this explains their sexual passivity. We assume that men must always stimulate women because of men's acute arousal. But intercourse has nothing to do with female orgasm. A woman is merely the recipient of male ejaculate. Intercourse is an act of impregnation. But for a man intercourse is extremely erotic and it stimulates his penis. Different anatomy is involved in women's claimed orgasms because it is assumed that they should respond to male stimulation of the anatomy that arouses men. But even lesbians do not understand sexual response. Female masturbation and hence female orgasm is clearly very rare. I gather that you have never had one.