There is a startling gulf between fantasy and what a woman is really seeking in a sexual relationship and she may find this very disturbing. (Sheila Kitzinger)
do we assume that women fantasise in the same way mean do? and who assumes that? I think of The Sex Which is Not One by Luce Irigaray might be of interest to you from your general question. Hope that is of help.
Most men have erotic fantasies of some kind even if they never masturbate. Men tend to fantasise about real women they have met and sexual activity they would like to engage in for real. Women's fantasies (if they have them at all) tend to focus on surreal situations that do not relate to a woman's aspirations for her sex life. Women often fantasise about romantic (rather than erotic) scenarios that can never lead to orgasm.