Dear Jane Elizabeth Thomas ,

Interesting question!

Are you defining erotic fiction narrowly as a literature genre or something that would include for example pornography and hollywood romance? (two very different genres, but which may be drivers of expectations about relationships).

Best Wishes,

Haris

Fiction is invented and does not necessarily reflect reality. It can be in the form of visual media (photos and movies) or literature. Erotic fiction portrays sexual scenarios and the behaviours of the participants. It rarely refers to what the person is thinking about. Men definitely have their minds focused on the erotic aspects of sexual activity - genitals and penetration. Women talk of lovemaking and are embarrassed by erotic references. They refer to emotional connection with a lover. Responsive women use erotic fantasy to achieve orgasm alone. Sexual response relates to the brain's response. Without this response, physical stimulation is futile.

Dear Jane Elizabeth Thomas , many thanks for the clarifications and the insights!

However, I still wonder whether there are some generalizations there, for example about men's and women's thoughts. Would you say that this mismatch in thoughts is universal and cannot be changed, that during (good) sex, there doesn't have to be a unity of mind? Also, we could go back to your original question, do people really believe the erotic fiction, or do they just use it to get stimulated?

Best Wishes,

Haris

Men are aroused by many varied erotic turn-ons: genitals, body parts, opportunities for intercourse, etc. Can you name any female erotic turn-ons with a lover? Research indicates that women's minds are not absorbed by sex activity as men's are. Men's acute arousal makes sex a focused activity. My experience is that there is no arousal with a lover. I have to use erotic fantasy alone to achieve orgasm. I have been asking women for years about how they get aroused with a lover. No answers so far. Women do not even understand the concept of erotic turn-ons. They assume that only men have them if they recognise that such a concept exists. Women wait for intercourse to be over so they can get on with their day.

Dear Jane Elizabeth Thomas ,

Wow, interesting testimony! So you really think that for most women intercourse is not that important?

Best Wishes,

Haris

Science is not about beliefs and opinions. It's about the research findings. The legal concept of consent also indicates a major difference between the sexes. Women make a conscious decision to engage in intercourse to please a male lover who is loving and companionable.

Women enjoy lovemaking with a respectful and affectionate lover. But intercourse and any form of sexual activity is much more important to most men than it is to most women. Men talk about sex much more than women ever do as you can see from the responses to my questions. Very few women ever comment on any aspect of sexuality even their own.

"major components of women’s sexual satisfaction: trust, intimacy, the ability to be vulnerable, respect, communication, affection, and pleasure from sensual touching" (Basson, 2000)

Dear Jane Elizabeth Thomas,

I'd say science is about theories and clutching at straws to find evidence in their favour, but never mind, i don't mind not getting into that discussion.

As for your claim that men talk about sex much more than women do, couldn't somebody object that women have exactly the same drive towards sex as men but are repressed by the male-dominated society? Just thinking out aloud.

Best Wishes,

Haris

Why would men want to repress any desire women might have to talk about sex? Men are desperate for women to want sex, desire sex and be enthusiastic about sex. But you can't change the biology. Men's function is to impregnate women. Women's function is to have the babies. No one can have a drive to be penetrated by a penis or other object. It is the mind of the penetrating male that motivates him to want to penetrate a partner. The receiver is merely a passive participant who is more focused on the upper body lovemaking - kissing and caressing - rather than the lack of erotic and physical stimulation of intercourse. That is why women prefer the term lovemaking to sex. They are embarrassed by their role as the receiver of male ejaculate. They are disgusted by talk of genitals and penetration.

Mm, interesting and enlightening ideas :)

Best Wishes,

Haris