JOKES AND JOKING BEHAVIORS

Very often jokes occur in joke cycles. Consider the following joke cycles.

Acronym jokes are often found on vanity license plates or bumper stickers:

10SNE1 (tennis anyone?)

XQUSME (excuse me)

4RGRAN (for our grandchild)

Do-It Jokes are often filled with innuendo:

Farmers do it in the dirt.

Teachers do it with class.

Accountants do it with interest.

Psychologists do it on the couch.

Mathematicians do it by the numbers.

Because blondes have a cultural advantage, Dumb-Blonde jokes are quite insulting:

In the swim-meet, after the blonde came in last competing in the breast-stroke, she complained to the judges that “all the other girls were using their arms.” Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said, “Disneyland LEFT.” They started crying and turned around and went home. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde said to the other, ‘Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooo, can you see Florida?'

How many blanksdoes it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many New Yorkers?

Three: One to do it and two to criticize.

How many grad students?

Three: two plus a professor to take the credit

How many Jewish mothers?

None: I’ll just sit in the dark.

How many Los Angeles Police?

Six: one to do it and five to smash the old bulb to smithereens.

How many Dolly clones?

As many as you’d like. As many as you’d like. As many as you’d like.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two (Think about it.).

New Definitions:

Artery: The study of painting

Bacteria: The back door of a cafeteria

Barium: What doctors do when patients die.

Covid-19 Jokes:

Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem. I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe. I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter --The Living Room or The Bedroom PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom. Homeschooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

Sniglets:

Rich Hall invented the term “sniglet” for a word that should be in the dictionary, but isn’t.

Elbonics (el bon’ iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

Esso Asso (eso a’so): The person behind you in a right-hand turn lane who cuts through the Esso Station.

Pupkus (pup’kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

Phonesia (fo nee’ zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who you were calling just as they answer.

Tom Swifties:

People who used to read the Tom Swiftnovels invented a new type of joke:

“My name is Tom, he said Swiftly.”

This pattern is extended to:

“I’d like my egg boiled,” she whispered softly.”

“Get to the back of the boat!” he shouted sternly.

“Would you like another pancake?” she asked flippantly.

“She works in the mines,” he roared ironically.

Top Ten List:

In 1993 when David Letterman left NBC to move to a better time slot at CBS, he made a list of his “Top 10 Things I Have To Do Before I Leave NBC.” Here are some of the items on that list:

Drop off hairpiece at security desk.

Vacuum out Wendell (his announcer) and write down his mileage.

Steal my weight in office supplies.

Let my plastic surgeon step out and take a bow—this has been his show as much as mine.

Get one more cheap laugh by saying the word Buttafuoco.

Virus Jokes:

AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Paul Revere Virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.

New World Order Virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Political Jokes:

"The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected" (Henry Cates VII).”

"If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches, there wouldn't be an inducement to go to heaven" (Will Rogers).

"When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become president; I'm beginning to believe it" (Clarence Darrow).

"A politician is a person who will lay down your life for his country" (Texas Guinan).

"I offer my opponents a bargain. If they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them" (Adlai Stevenson).

Don and Alleen Nilsen’s Humor PowerPoints:

https://aath.memberclicks.net/don-and-alleen-power-points