Are parents able to see and treat their children as autonom persons with their own feelings, ideas and desires?

Dear Agung,

As I see it, children are the best of what exists in the world. Accordingly, their parents and teachers should treat them as autonomous creatures that should have a voice in all mattters related to their needs, feelings, desires and so forth. Parents and teachers should do their best such that their chidren or pupils become citizens' of the world and interested in pursuing the true, the good and the beautiful. While educating children, parents and teachers shoud be authoritative, not authoritarian or permissive figures. Authoritative figures are demanding in cognitive terms, but warm in terms of social interaction; authoritarian figures are demanding in cognitive terms, but cold in terms of social interaction and affectivity; and permissive figures are guided, say, by the slogan laissez faire, lassez passer, lasser aller (Let's it go). There is accumlated evidence that shows that in contrast to authoritarian and permissive figures, authoritative figures forster the child's psychological development, be it cognitive, social, morar, emotional and so for. I think that you can proffit a lot from reading D. Baumrind's styles of parenting.

Best regards,

Orando

dear Prof Orlando M Lourenço ,

it was cool, prof!

I need to follow your update.

many thanks prof.

Agung

dear Alies de Vries

I think both of version; autonomic person and person co-opted by culture

Dear Agung,

Thank you very much for you kind words. As I said in my previuos update, children are the best of all that exists in the world . A famous Portuguese poet, Fernando Pessoa, once said (in Portuguese; "Grande é a poesia, a bondade e as danças, mas o melhor do mundo são as crianças"; My translation: "Great it the poetry, the goodness and the dances, but the best of what exists all over the word are children")

Because children are the best of what exists all over the world, parents and teachers should be very carefull while educating them such that they become well developed in cognitive, social, moral, and even aesthetic terms. Parenthetically, I am a developmental psychologist.

May be you are acquainted with Martin Hoffman's classical work on the discipline practices or strategies parents use to deal with their children's misdeeds [see, for this, respect, Hoffman, M. (1970). Conscience, personality, and socialization techniques. Human Development, 13, 90-126]. Hoffman found that while socializing their children parents make use of three different strategies or practices: Power assertion; withdrawl of love, and inductive practices.

Power assertion is the case when parents make use of their physical or psychological power over resources to deal with their children's misdeeds ("John, if you hit your sister, then you will not get toys anymore").

Withdrawl of love is the case when parents make use of a kind of blackmail to socialize their children ("Mary, if you hit your brother, them Mom will not like you anymore)

Inductive practices are the case when parents deal with their children's misbehaviors by explaining to them the negative effect of their misdeeds on others' well-being ("Bob, if you hit your sister, then she will be hurt).

You undervalue your children if you make use of both power assertion and/or withdrawl of love. In contradistinction, when you make use of inductive practices to socialize your chidren you are treating them as autonomous creatures. It is worth mentioning that Hoffman found, for example, that children subject to power assertion or withdrawal of love are oriented to a heteronomous morality, a morality based on the ideas of fear, coercion, and unilateral respect, and that children educated through inductive practices develop an autonomous morality, a morality guided by the ideas of equality, cooperation, and mutual respect (see, for this respect Jean Piaget's seminal book: The moral judgment of the child). Please, if you like and love your children, make use of inductive practices, not of power assertion or withdrawl of love.

While socializing their children parents often commit what I call the fundamental education error. In other words, parents think that their children shoud be reprehended and even punished for their misdeeds, but not rewarded physically (e.g., to get a toy) or psychologically (e.g., to receive a smile from their parents) when they perform well.

If parents want that children become citizens of the world and interested in pursuing the true, the good, and the beautiful, then they foster children's sense of self-efficacy, that is, children's idea that albeit they are young (e.g., 7-year-olds) they are already able, for example, to help or comfort their bothers, sisters, and schoomates when they are, say, in a bad situation.

I could continue and make this post a bit longer. However, I don't what to bother you. Even so, I want to add a last comment. As I developmental psychologist, I think that, in his/her psychological development, the child should learn what I call the sense of contingency, that is, the idea that for him/her to get some outcomes and benefits (e.g., parents' approval) s/he has, say, to deserve them and hence to do something relatively important (e.g., homework). On my views, the lack of a sense of contigency in children, let alone in people in general, is a sad reality in the education system, namely in Western socities. As parents have not much time to stay with their children, they often compensate for this, for example, by giving them undeserved rewards such as some money, toys, and so forth. This is indeed, a desguised form of blackmail.

The lack of the sense of contingency mainly in children of, say, rich families is also at odds with other important psychological sense or ability: the delay of gratification. If children, and even adolescents and adults do not develop this abitity, then they risk being always frustrated. Delay of gratification is one's ability to wait for a long time and get, say, a big outcome (e.g., to get a Ph D degree) instead of getting a small outcome (to earn some money) within a few days or even hours. To a great extent, one's well-being, be it physical, psychological or spiritual. requires of us all, a series of successive delays of gratification.

I hope, dear Agung, this my post is of some help for you.

Kind regards,

Orlando