Can active listening skills be acquired and developed with practice? Should we fully concentrate on what is being said rather than just ‘hearing’ the message?
I think it is a good idea to be active(instead of being passive)!
I mean while listening to a lecture we can make some question in our mind and try to find and analyze more details from the discussion. by trying to find some new information, listening can be more interesting!
I think it is possible through practice. A few points to remember are:
1. Relax and be ready to listen by focusing on speaker. Make the speaker easy so that he/she can freely speak.
2. Remove all distractions so that you can concentrate on what is being talked.
3. Have patience and never interrupt or finish a sentence for the speaker.
4. Always try to understand the other person’s point of view and not your thinking.
5. Always remain impartial. Don't let your judgment come in the way of understanding the other viewpoint.
6. Try to grasp the Ideas being transmitted and not Just Words alone.
Here are 10 tips to help you develop effective listening skills:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/womensmedia/2012/11/09/10-steps-to-effective-listening/
Most people think they learned how to listen in kindergarten or primary school, but this isn’t exactly true. You may have learned to hear people when they talk, but you didn’t necessarily get into the habit of actively listening to them. In our daily work lives, we miss out on a lot of information, and, ultimately, we make our jobs harder because we don’t pay attention to what people are saying.
Active listening is really an extension of the Golden Rule. To know how to listen to someone else, think about how you would want to be listened to. While the ideas are largely intuitive, it might take some practice to develop (or re-develop) the skills.
It’s in your best interest to avoid unnecessary communication breakdowns caused by a failure to listen. You can start by learning the ways that you might unconsciously filter out what others are saying. There are four kinds of filters:
The predilection filter: Hearing what you want to hear instead of what is meant.
The who filter: Placing importance based on the person doing the talking.
The facts filter: Being oblivious to the emotional subtext of the conversation.
The distracting thoughts filter: Allowing your mind to wander.
Here’s what good listeners know:
1. Face the speaker. Sit up straight or lean forward slightly to show your attentiveness through body language.
2. Maintain eye contact, to the degree that you all remain comfortable.
3. Minimize external distractions. Turn off the TV. Put down your book or magazine, and ask the speaker and other listeners to do the same.
4. Respond appropriately to show that you understand. Murmur (“uh-huh” and “um-hmm”) and nod. Raise your eyebrows. Say words such as “Really,” “Interesting,” as well as more direct prompts: “What did you do then?” and “What did she say?”
5. Focus solely on what the speaker is saying. Try not to think about what you are going to say next. The conversation will follow a logical flow after the speaker makes her point. Listen for the main ideas. If you are listening to a lecture, you can take notes whenever the speaker stresses a point or repeats anything. If you are having a conversation, listen for things like "the thing is ..." or "what I mean ..." - those are good indicators that the person feels that point is important. When listening, you should be concentrating on what is being said, not thinking about what you'll have for lunch or what the hot guy in the next row might say. If your mind begins to wander, re-focus and pay attention to what is being said. You can also try shifting your position slightly to break the mental train of thought.
6. Minimize internal distractions. If your own thoughts keep horning in, simply let them go and continuously re-focus your attention on the speaker, much as you would during meditation.
7. Keep an open mind. Wait until the speaker is finished before deciding that you disagree. Try not to make assumptions about what the speaker is thinking.
Have you tried and tried, but your best is still not good enough? Don’t know what to do next?
8. Avoid letting the speaker know how you handled a similar situation. Unless they specifically ask for advice, assume they just need to talk it out.
9. Even if the speaker is launching a complaint against you, wait until they finish to defend yourself. The speaker will feel as though their point had been made. They won’t feel the need to repeat it, and you’ll know the whole argument before you respond. Research shows that, on average, we can hear four times faster than we can talk, so we have the ability to sort ideas as they come in…and be ready for more.
10. Engage yourself. Ask questions for clarification, but, once again, wait until the speaker has finished. That way, you won’t interrupt their train of thought. After you ask questions, paraphrase their point to make sure you didn’t misunderstand. Start with: “So you’re saying…”
As you work on developing your listening skills, you may feel a bit panicky when there is a natural pause in the conversation. What should you say next? Learn to settle into the silence and use it to better understand all points of view.
Ironically, as your listening skills improve, so will your aptitude for conversation.
In addition to the above, you should have in mind the following advices:
11. Don’t interrupt.
12. Don’t tune out because you think you know what’s coming.
13. Read between the lines, and assess what is meant vs what is said.
14. Verbally summarize what the speaker has said, paraphrasing rather than repeating it verbatim.
15. Empathize with how the speaker is feeling.
16. Take notes to keep yourself focused and to help you remember what’s being communicated.
17. Don’t type on your Blackberry, text, or tweet while someone is talking to you.
18. Don’t change the subject until you’re certain the speaker has concluded his or her point.
Excellent exposure of hints Jorge. I tried many of these pointers and worked excellently for me. Thank you for sharing. Once in a while we need to go over the right steps to follow.
Dear Mahfuz
Everyone wants to learn to speak. Nobody wants to learn to listen. Listen is complicated and subtle. The inability to hear is the constant and subtle manifestation of our arrogance and vanity.
We need learn to listen : not interrupt the other speech; make sure you understand exactly what was spoken ; know the history of the person and stay tuned to the topic of conversation.
The person who speaks very and hear little , the more shows your universe and its truth than with the universe and the truth of the people who are around you
"Listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your ears.Effective listening requires concentration and the use of your other senses - not just hearing the words spoken." Yes, developing of active listening skills is possible ! Have a look in time distribution!
Although some poeple see better listeners, the skill can be acquired by learnign and training, and self discipline. Some politicians work hard to become good listener or appear to be good listeners, which is a strong evidence that traning and self discipline can work the trick.
I think this can be made possible through practice. We need to focus on the speaker and think from their perspective. It maypay not to interupt the speaker and to let them complete the sentence.
From the moment we qualify something as a skill, we implicitly suggest that it can be learned and developed. So; in my view YES active listening skills can be learned and developed. Training and coaching can address such defficiency, and there is a wealth of literature in organisational behaviour that adresses this issues under numerous headings: self-development, how to be effective in your role...etc
(1) Self-efficacy and academic listening Original Research Article
Journal of English for Academic Purposes, Volume 10, Issue 2, June 2011, Pages 113-117,Suzanne Graham,
(2) On active listening in person-centred, solution-focused psychotherapy Original Research Article, Journal of Pragmatics, Volume 42, Issue 12, December 2010, Pages 3188-3198, Pamela Fitzgerald, Ivan Leudar
As previously mentioned by others, it can be improved by practice.
Here are five key elements of active listening.
1. Pay Attention
2. Show That You're Listening
3. Provide Feedback
4. Defer Judgment
5. Respond Appropriately
http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
Very educative thread indeed. Practicing is a must, listening is a fundamental characteristic of leadership. So, learning how to listen is essential to grow in our careers. Middle management and top management seminars are popular to train executives on listening skills which (many) were discussed all along.
Greetings to all.
Here is the link for my previous picture. Fine reading about the issue!Tips for Effective listening,Characteristic of Good Listener,Listening Skills are treated!
http://priti13es903.wordpress.com/
Listening is a very important issue , as evidenced by the previous comments. However, it is important to mention that listening is more than a matter of practice. It is also to meet oneself, to be listening to oneself in order to be able to listen to each other. That is to say , take the time to get to know oneself , to know our values, our prejudices, our way of seeing the world and being able to understand the vision of each other and thus do not let them interfere our own worldview in the interaction. Barbier ( 1997) mention that to be listening, you have to be able to empty his head, to be daunted by the reference system of the other. And to do so empty , you should know that there was first inside.
If you do not take the time to listen to yourself, it will be difficult to accept the uncertainty and ambiguity that gives rise to listen and respect the fact of silence that it requires . It is mentioned in the literature that to break the silence is often a defense that avoids dwelling on our own difficulties.
I suggest you read this article , it is very interesting and can see listening from a different angle than the cognitive approach offers .
Thank you for this question, it leads us to reflect on a topic that is ground substance in our societies and which unfortunately is not much valued.
Dear Mylene
Thanks for the reference. It is very good and should be read by every one.
Thank you Muhfuz for starting this discussion by asking the question 'Can we develop active listening skills?' This is a topic that is worthy of much more interest and discussion that it currently receives and to progress it from 'just listening' in the communication process ( Wolvin, 2010). It is interesting that the discussion to date has not included the aspect of culture and how beliefs and values influence one's listening capacity. Fiumara (1990) referred to growth in the western world of the importance of speech and presentation without having the ability or need to listen.
In particular the area of children's rights and healthcare for children have highlighted the need for the generation of a 'culture of listening' where one research project highlighted that 67.8% of children said health professionals should listen to children more (Kilkelly & Donnelly, 2011).
My questions to others are:
What is your current culture of listening, personally and professionally?
How do you beliefs and values influence your listening practice?
Thank you Elaine, your comment and your question are very relevant. I am also curious to know the answers of others. Your question is also very connected to my research question for my master's thesis , I wonder about the influence of factors individuals, relationals, group, organizational , institutional and ideological who concern the listening practices of social workers .
My point of view is , as you mentioned , that listening is very undervalued compared to speaking or writing in our Western societies. The professional of help often quickly provide technical solutions rather than take the time to listen ( Randin , 2008). In addition, in Quebec at least , the administrative stucture focus on results and the evidence based practice do not allow professionals to take the time to listen, to be heard and to work on their listening, this is even more true when it comes to children. (Manion and Nixon, 2012). We can mentionne also, the fact that school programes offer little training and little time to discuss this attitude so important to me.
Also, I believe that listening has a social character that is too little discussed in the literature. furthermore, research often put emphasis on the psychological aspect, while listening can help strengthen the community. ( Stoltz , 2008). In this perspective , I work constantly ,at professional or personal level to promote the importance of listening around me. Because I am convinced that all the people have the ability to listen , it 's all about wanting to listen and understand each other and especially to love one another ...
However, I also consider that listening is an art that we must constantly refine, question and taking the time to listen to ourself. I 've always been surprised to see how people and children by offering them a real listening , are able to find their own solutions to their problems and how partnership working is easier to install in the relationship when one is really listening to each other. And I always hope that when I listen to others , i give them the desire to take the time to listen to others in turn.
Well, I'll stop there because I could go again and again, I am so passionate about it.
Looking forward to reading your answers
Thank you Mylene for the chapter on listening, very supportive to read. I also congratulate you for you apparent passion in what you are researching, a fact that will help you look in the hidden corners of the literature to complement your work. Listening is a Bless and if practiced right, it pays, since the barrier leading to conflict will be much lower.
Dear Hussi, Many thanks for your comments. It is just a modest contribution to the debate of this important issue here in RG.
Once, in one of the conferences I met Peter Senge (in Michigan), and our conversation was about the learning organization and what is needed from people themselves... when done, he had a keynote speech, and recommended the following on listening:
I will state the outcome of the speech and the following discussions with him,
"listen to the sounds of nature, where you will be able to listen to your inner self, to the surrounding environment, and to God".
Can we learn listening, the answer is a definite yes. Nature is where we should start.
Communication is 80% listening and 20% talking. Hence, listening is crucial if one wants to be very effecive in communication. Listening involves attention to details:
(i) Getting each word exactly as it is being said, without adding, subtracting or modifying anything.
(ii) This is made possible, if one realizes and acknowledges the fact that most times, we listen through our already formed opinions and are looking forward to confirmations of or objections to our opinions and accordingly react, rather than respond with poise.
(iii) Listening can go to higher levels if we listen with the question, "Why is she/he saying what he is saying?" This is because, many a times, in crucial situations, people don't exactly say what they want to say. So, we need to listen to the unsaid rather keenly. For example, we can appreciate that someone is in anger or upset or disappointment, because of which they are saying what they are currently saying, but the anger, upset or disappointment itself may come from another cause, unrelated to the current conversation.
(iv) We can further listen to "What is her/his commitment in the matter, because of which she/he is saying what she/he is saying? In this case also, we listen beyond the words to the unsaid, to the commitment behind.
A committed group of people can together practise all the above levels of listening between themselves, in multiple sessions and actually train one another.
Thanks Kamal. I do feel very strongly about this. The experience of life for us and for everyone in our lives will be altogether different if one starts cultivating such levels of listening.
I find this resource very helpful for the issue of developing active listening skills. "...In this study, a pretest–posttest control group design was used to examine the effect of instruction on the active listening skills of preservice education professionals. ..."
Article Learning to Listen: Teaching an Active Listening Strategy to...
Thank you Ljubomir for sharing. Very educative indeed. Moreover, a strong title.
You are welcome my dear @Hussin! You are right, it is very educative, yes!
Piece of cake. We used to train Organizational Effectiveness consultants all the time to do this at the U.S. Army Organizational Effectiveness Center and School. I use the same procedures training managers and students alike.
How can I best be of help?
Don
Yes, it can be developed. We do that all the time. We have seen marked improvement in the listening skills of students, of course after some practice. We must concentrate on what is being said rather than just hearing it. There are several techniques people have developed in their own ways.
I have read in nature ( or science ) that the singing birds are memorizing their melodies during their sleep. We can save much time if we can do the same thing???
Martha 서
May not be during sleep. However, if you can train yourself to be relaxed while listening to the other, and practise listening to it from their world, it is the nearest to developing the skill while sleeping !
The best practice as well is to establish eye contact with the other party and interacting with the information. This way we build rapport and confidence so as the message will become clearer and the opportunity to interact is smooth.
@ Hussin.The best practice as well is to establish eye contact with the other party and interacting with the information. It is very interesting practice.
Let us start practising this first with our spouse and children !
My proposition to maximization of the learning outcomes originates from the tutors and is diffused to the learners – who are the "tabula raza" in which the new knowledge is absorbed. The main tutor features are the: creativeness, honesty, benevolence, tolerance to failure, enthusiasm to success, and persistence towards overcoming socio-economic barriers into excellence. Besides, the educational frameworks of scaffolding and collaborative learning should be especially beneficial to reinforce the “learning how to learn” motto.
Of course!
It is always possible to improve the active listening skills.
And the active listening is a fundamental tool in clinical practice. There are scientific evidence that it has therapeutic effect even with biological markers. I even would say that it is important in all activities that imply a relationship with someone.
However, have you ideas and experience in methodologies of how to teach the active listening skills? More precisely for medical students and medical trainees, so deformed by the medical education that they are so convict that what interest in clinic is what the doctor knows and what patients knows is negligible.
JM Nunes
Dear Dr. Nunes,
There is an international educational organization called Landmark Education, which has amazing 3-day programs on effectiveness and workability in life. I have personally gone through the three programs - Landmark Forum, Advanced course and the Self Expression and Leadership Program - which together are called the Curriculum for Living. While these programs increase the overall effectiveness and success of any committed participant in any aspect of their life, it also includes listening skills. Harvard University, American Association of Psychiatrists and Talent Foundation, UK have done independent studies about the effectiveness of their programs. I know cardiologists, ENT specialists, obstetricians, neurosurgeons and oncologists, who have participated in their programs. I recommend their programs for anyone, who seriously seeks to improve their communication (= listening) skills.
The people, who lead these programs have been extraordinarily trained and possess all the characteristics that Grigorios Kyriakopoulos has mentioned.
Thanks Mahfuz Judeh, for starting this enquiry. This has really opened up a very useful and meaningful discussion, on a topic that many are interested in.
I was out for some days and today I had the possibility of reading all the ideas as a full sequence. Very interesting . Active listening and non-verbal communication are very important issues on daily practice.
Not just clinical / health o/ education practice, but for every kind of human profession or craft :)
So for the question: Can we develop active listening skills?
Yes. as mention by several persons.
»» "Always remain impartial. Don't let your judgment come in the way of understanding the other viewpoint."
A little challenge:
“Is it really possible to be always impartial?
Or is it more correct /realistic to admit that in some situations that patients report, we "feel some kind of judgment – either positive /negative judgment."
I work this issue several times during formation activities for health professionals: how important it is to be aware of this fact (we are not always impartial) as a first step towards being aware of it and to change.
To be impartial, is not easy, nor “natural” and must be worked actively: )
Culturally, we tend to make judgments.
But I found this discussion very interesting
Lisa
Lisa,
You are very correct that it is almost impossible to be always impartial. However, don't you think every time I acknowledge that I am partial or judgmental, the possibility of being impartial that moment opens up ?
First of all a listener must be highly motivated so that she/he can understand a speaker to go on their communication.I think, it's rather suitable to create the artificial situation of speech communication with the actual problem before. If the situation is real and a listener is between the dilemma -to be or not to be (or other important for a listener problem situation) - his/her brain will switch on and a listener will understand and resolve all the communicative problems.
Yes, I believe that when "I become aware of my one partial/ judgmental" thought -emotion, I more capable for seeing it as it is : a judgment.
And as A.G. Ramakroshnan states "it opens the moment" to be impartial.
That´s the challenge.
And it had an eco in this forum...active listening is a learning process.
lisa
Dear Dr. Ramakrishnan,
Thank you for your kindness and advice about the subject of active listening.
To all colleagues that are participating in this discussion I present my congratulations for the commitment in these interchange of ideas.
We arrived to the point of active listening so grateful for Carl Rogers – the positive respect.
Indeed, active listening requires the listener be aware of their prejudices and pre-judgments. Listening and judgment are simultaneously incompatible. I would say “who’s listening doesn’t judge, who’s judges doesn’t listening”. A judgment is made on the facts (real or not). Listening is the identification and characterization of facts. Who judges focuses on the consequences of the facts and, in this regard, focuses on the future. However, listening is in the present moment, is the “here-and-now”. In listening moment just you and me matters. Nothing else matters and nothing else exist between us. However the act of judging is a reflex arch and, so, this “natural” tendency is always present. In training of listening, we must be aware of this reflex arch and then consciously choose an answer built at higher level and more compatible with active listening behavior. Hence when Dr Lisa Vincent becomes aware that she is judging, she has already made a huge step (and key step) to control this reflex and increase her performance as an active listener. So, congratulations! You did an important achievement for a really effective listener.
I have read with interest the discussion on listening.I teach courses on communication at IIM Lucknow using both Western and Indian philosophy and literature.
You will be happy to read the amazing thoughts of J.Krishnamurti on the subject of communication and listening. Jiddu Krishnamurti was born in India in 1896..the inspiring teacher leads you to the clear consciousness that transcends rational thought.
Excerpted from Talks and Dialogues -J Krishnamurti, Avon Books,Canada, pages 11-13
“There are certain things, which must be taken for granted. First we must understand what we mean by communication, What the word means to each one of us, what is involved, what is the structure, the nature, of communication. If two of us, you and I, are to communicate with each other there must not only be a verbal understanding of what is being said, at the intellectual level, but also, by implication, listening and learning. These two things, it seems to me are essential in order that we may communicate with each other, listening and learning. Secondly, each one of us has, obviously, a background of knowledge, prejudice and experience, also the suffering and the innumerable complex issues involved in relationship. That is the background of most of us and with that background we try to listen. After all, each one of us is the result of our culturally complex life-we are the result of the whole culture of man, with the education and the experience of not only a few years, but of centuries.
I do not know if you have ever examined how you listen, it doesn’t matter to what, whether to a bird, to the wind in the leaves, to the rushing waters, or how you listen to a dialogue with yourself, to your conversation in various relationships with your intimate friends, your wife or husband. If we try to listen we find it extraordinarily difficult, because we are always projecting our opinions and ideas, our prejudices, our background our inclinations, our impulses; when they dominate we hardly listen to what is being said. In that state there is no value at all. One listens and therefore learns, only in a state of attention, a state of silence in which this whole background is in abeyance, is quiet; then, it seems to me, it is possible to communicate.
Several other things are involved. If you listen with the background or image that you may have created about the speaker, and listen as to one with certain authority-which the speaker may, or may not, have-then obviously you are not listening. You are listening to the projection, which you have put forward and that prevents you from listening. So again, communication is not possible. Obviously, real communication or communion can only take place when there is silence. When two people are intent, seriously, to understand something, bringing their whole mind and heart, their nerves, their eyes, their ears, to understand, then in that attention there is a certain quality of silence; then actual communication, actual communion, takes place. In that there is not only learning but complete understanding-and that understanding is not something different from immediate action. That is to say, when one listens without any intention, without any barrier, putting aside all opinions, conclusions-all the rest, experiences--then, in that state one not only understands whether what is being said is true or false, but further, if it is true, there is immediate action, if it is false, there is no action at all. “
Neerja Pande
Training to be able to listen actively is one thing, training to do this, even when you feel under pressure, attacked and stressed is another. If you do a mindfulness training (MBSR) you will learn to do just that.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness-based_stress_reduction
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