I will give my perspective as a typical African man, though acknowledging my shallow knowledge of the Muslim culture. I do not think that polygamy contributes to extramarital affairs in the Muslim community. I think it is more about arranged or forced marriages, alongside males meeting the expectations of other people in relation to a partner and ignoring their true choice. I also believe that the strict laws of the culture lead to people marrying a total stranger, considering that they hardly have private moments before marriage. So one marries on hope versus affirmed companionship. Hence when the love loses its spark, one partner will run towards his/her companion and leave the stranger in the house. Lastly, polygamy is a beautiful concept when well implemented and agreed upon. It is supposed to be the old wife who recommends the new wife to the husband; it could be because of the man having high sexual demands than she can meet. Polygamy does not therefore guarantee good intimacy but stolen sugar takes sweet, especially for an unsatisfied man, Muslim or non-Muslim. I believe that man generally like adventure and new things, so extra-marital affairs can be clear evidence of that versus polygamy. ''I will have my father's choice of wife in the house but enjoy with my choice wife anytime outside the house''.

Siyabonga Mabuza,

Thank you very much for your unique perspective. Your elaboration is much appreciated. Also, I assume you mean "stolen sugar tastes (not takes) sweet".

My understanding is your perspective focuses on the married partner, on why he chooses to enter or indulge in an extramarital relationship. To clarify, in my study I would like to explore the rationale of why a woman goes mate poaching and subsequently becoming affair partner (AP) to a married man in an extramarital relationship. As well as what strategies affair partners use in maintaining and sustaining their extramarital relationship.

I hope to gain more feedback from researchers who have experienced in counselling involving extramarital issues. I also look forward to the sharing of personal experience either as the betrayed spouse, the betraying spouse (married partner) or the affair partner in understanding affair partnering strategies.

Thank you again.

Thank you for the clarity...yes, it was 'tastes vs takes'.

I will share a word I got from a married man in a extra-marital affair. He stated that most young women want security and stability more than just intimacy. So married men are victim, because already they seem to effectively know how to stabilize their families, especially if he is happily married. It is very easy for a married partner to fork out/splash resources to any woman in exchange for intimacy. Note: most men are used to paying bills, being patient with their official spouse, begging and charming when needed. This are the things that attract and are wanted by young woman! which unfortunately the young bachelors have not quite mastered. So polygamy may not be the major player for me but more of the ability of some men to uniquely meet the expectations of young women. Actually, an affair with benefits and no strings attached but fun and adventure is the gold standard nowadays. The single ones have hurt each other time and again, they no longer trust each other, while the matured married one, male or female may be sexually frustrated in their affairs, if not burdened by the ever-increasing family demands, so an extra affair becomes a window for fresh air to release the tension and frustration. The concluded man..''It is easy to charm a young rose than your long standing wife, who was just yelling two minutes ago, if you find a young one who can masage your ego , then why not', she just need to know that she should never trouble your wife'. So these are unofficial affairs, perpetuated by habits developed during adolescence and passion for sexual intimacy.

I dont think that it is polygamy that contributes to mate poaching. If we consider Freuds theories, then the ID kicks in and based on values, morals and ID tendencies mate poaching becomes another conquest regardless of the circumstances or consequencies

Thank you Dr Siyabonga Mabuza and Dr Mohamoud Merali for the contribution. It has been awhile since I checked in here. The study is progressing. Further updates will be included in the Project Log.